a personal request

this one is really personal.

i would like you to consider passing this blog on to others…especially at north point.  let me explain.

i don’t have some narcissistic need to have people read what i write.  i really don’t.  but i do have a passion for encouraging people to live biblically, to wrestle with difficult issues, to grow deeper and ultimately become all that god designed us to be.

that’s why i write.  more specifically, i find myself writing more and more about things that are relevant to our life as a church family.  i live and breathe north point.   i feel like so much of what i write is simply an extension of what i am preaching or teaching or conversations we have at lunch or as we work side by side.

i want you to continue to be part of it…and i want you to personally invite others to be part of the dialogue.

who can you connect here?  who can you encourage to join in?  who else needs to be hearing what you are hearing and responding to what you respond to?  go tell them.

write them an email, link them to this blog (or just tell them about it, if you blog link challenged), and even step them through the process of subscribing…you know, click on the subscription box and follow the directions!  it’s not too hard…

do it for me.  do it for them.  do it for north point…or some other church.  whatever.  just do it.

Marriage Tuesday

trust me.  my goal is not to be controversial today.  my goal is stronger, healthier marriages.  that’s it.

according to scripture, i am the head of wanda.  scripture says it.  i believe it.

for the husband is the head of the wife as christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior.  ephesians 5:23

even though that’s the only place in the whole bible that says that the husband is the head of the wife, i still believe it.  the goal throughout my lifetime,  as the head of wanda,  has been to understand that title properly and biblically, and live accordingly.

the “traditional” explanation of headship (the one i was taught by my church and the one that is held by most conservative, evangelical churches) is that the husband is the spiritual leader of his wife and family.  hey, i don’t have a problem owning up to spiritual leadership.  i’m a pastor.  i have sold out and dedicated my life to leading people in their spiritual journies and being responsible for the care and equipping of the body of christ for life and ministry.  i don’t shy away from the responsibility of spritual leadership.

but i have two observations, though,  regarding applying the concept of spiritual leadership to the word head. bear with me.

the first  is a general one.  bible interpretors have always  had to work hard not to apply modern word definitions to first century concepts.  the discipline of sound interpretation always focuses on what the original writers and hearers would have understood the word to mean…in their context…before we place more modern or culturally relevant definitions to those concepts.

practically, what that means to me is this:  our culturally modern definition of the word head immediately conjures up the idea of leadership, ownership, boss, president, executive, responsibility, chief decision-maker, and the like. i’m not sure that definition is exactly what the apostle paul had in mind when he used head to define my relationship with wanda.

second, the definition of head actually appears right in the text, and traditionalists pretty much ignore it…favoring the more “culturally relevant” definition.  paul is clear what it means for the husband to be the head of the wife:

husbands, love your wives, just as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  he who loves his wife loves himself.  after all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as christ does the church– for we are members of his body.  ephesians 5:26-30

my role, as wanda’s head, is to love her…which means to always place her needs above my own.  to serve her and give my life to her.  to deliberately and willingly lay aside what i want in favor of what she needs.  according to this passage, she does not exist to cater to my dreams, my career, my interests…but rather, mine to hers.  her well being is to be my only focus…to help her become everything that god has called her to be.  it is my calling to affirm her and graciously submit my best interests to hers.  period.

if you want to define leader as servant, i’m all over the concept of being the spiritual leader. but leader does not have to be defined as decision-maker, boss, “i’m-out-in-front…you-follow-me”, the responsible party. that’s cultural.  and not necessarily spiritual.

what do you think our marriages would look like if husbands actually took the words of the apostle paul seriously?  what do you think  our marriages would look like if husbands actually followed the example of jesus… instead of the examples of corporate ceo’s, politicians, bosses and modern leaders…when it comes to defining the meaning of head?

men, we have a long way to go…

Monday Morning Quarterback

yesterday was another sunday.  we came.  we prayed.  we sang.  we hugged.  we laughed.  we learned.   i preached.  you listened and applied.  we caught up a little.  we made decisions.  we gave.  we remembered.   some of us left and ate together…others went home.  we all went our own way.  a new week was begun.

i guess i’m going to sum up what i feel about yesterday by giving you some different kinds of observations.

• if what happened yesterday between 10:00 and 12:30 defines your life as a follower of christ, you’ve got a problem.
• if you were not inspired to go and spend your next six days surrendered to kingdom-living, you missed the point.
• or we didn’t do our job.
• if you think you can miss on a sunday morning and i’m not affected by it, you’re fooling yourself.
• if you think you can miss on a sunday morning and you not be affected by it, you’re fooling yourself.
• if you think you can come on sunday mornings and be absolved of guilt, you’ve missed the point.
• we have to learn the balance between the value of coming and the freedom to not come.
• we also have to learn another balance…

as i reflect on yesterday, i recognize that we are really good at one thing…and we really struggle at another.  and both of them are crucial to a healthy church family.  we like our friends.  we enjoy their company and find that interacting with them is comfortable and usually pretty natural.

i love watching us interact with each other on sunday mornings.  good friends catching up with each other after being apart for a few days, or even a week…or more.  that’s the way a family is supposed to act.  telling stories.  reacquainting.  catching up.  drawing friends deeper into life journies and cementing friendships before going their own way.  it’s good.  it’s healthy.  it’s godly.  it’s essential.

on the other hand, our friendship and familiarity with each other can actually be one of our biggest obstacles to growth and our ability to extend the kingdom.

frankly, when we are focused on those we know and are comfortable with, we are missing amazing opportunities to draw others in…into our circles…into our stories…into our family life…into north point.  our friendliness to ourselves actually becomes the way we push others away.

can i give you a challenge?  i know that some are actually gifted at interacting with others, especially people who you don’t know.  you are natural extroverts.  some have the gift of hospitality…the extraordinary ability to welcome strangers.  others are not so gifted.  no matter.

it’s time we got on with the business of living our lives the way jesus would…if he were at north point on a sunday morning.  jesus would be obsessed with finding those that were alone or those that were hurting.  he would be the friend to the friendless.  he would welcome the new and challenge the regulars.

he would never allow someone to be left out or forgotten.  he would be comfortable with the uncomfortable and would extend grace and friendship to those that the religious people overlooked.  his life was always inclusive.  strangers counted him a friend.

what do you think north point would look like if we treated people, especially those we know little about, the way jesus would?

Axioms…from my perspective

normally, i try to pass a new axiom on to you every thursday.  i missed.  i was busy…pre-occupied…unfocused… whatever. but as i was studying and writing emails this morning, my emptiheadedness started to be filled with this:

“sunday mornings are not enough.”

it’s nothing new.  i’ve said it a hundred times…in probably a hundred different ways.  but here goes again.

if your only real, regular and/or significant connection with your church “family” is once every seven days for an hour, or so,  at the weekly big show, you’ll probably drift away.  sooner or later, the percentages are pretty high that it will happen.

now that’s not the only reason that can cause someone to look for another church family.  i’ve written and preached about that stuff forever.  there are many other deeper and significant reasons that pave the way for moving on.  wanda and i have moved on a couple of times in the past 34 years.  so have many of you.  it happens.

no…this axiom is not about those complicated and sometimes painful seasons.  this one is simple and to-the-point.

church is not the program.  church is not a meeting.  church is not an item on our weekly to do list.

church is people…relationships…friendship…connection…life sharing…family… teamwork…associations…bonds… attachments…companionship… and camaraderie.

church is love…forgiveness…openness…transparency…conversation…shared experiences…common goals…hospitality…eating…laughing…serving… playing…and giving.  side-by-side.

and you can’t be that in one hour…once a week.

Marriage Tuesday

according to my watch, i still have a couple of hours left in my tuesday, so here goes…

i’m not going to offer a money-back guarantee on this one, but i can come pretty close.  of all the marriages that i have ever been around, the really good ones…i mean really good ones…share one thing in common.  they may share more than one thing, but i know they share this one in common:

they talk with each other.  about important stuff.  they talk about their money and their kids and their jobs and the house and their vacation.  they also talk about their dreams and goals and fears and failures.  and not just those things, but they also talk about their beliefs and their sins and their pasts and their futures.

they speak openly and candidly about things they want to hide.  they trust each other with the darkness of their souls and the craziness of their faith and the complexity of god.  they use their words to communicate love and passion and loyalty and commitment and forgiveness and hope.

i’m all for the importance of showing our love.  words with no action to back them up are empty and without veracity…just like faith without deeds.  nobody wants just words.  but they still want…and need…them!  desperately.

if you and your spouse are not talking with each other…heart to heart…openly and honestly…about the things in life that really matter…and not just about things and other people (including your kids)…you are running a serious risk of your marriage disintegrating into mere co-existence…two people who are connected because of children and bank accounts and routine.  or worse yet, the death of the relationship.

so talk.  everyday.  about everything.  and listen.  carefully and intently.  speak about what you are hearing each other say and give room for differences of opinion and mistakes and overstatements and the risky business of being willing to be hurt.  if you don’t, there’s not much hope.

so while i’m at it, let me give you an idea that i’ve learned from my friends brandon and raeshel.  if you follow this blog, you probably know that brandon and raeshel (who are married, for those of you readers that are not part of the north family) carry on some pretty open conversations in the comment section of the blog.  so i got to thinking…

if you’re married and having a little trouble with this communication thing, learn a little lesson from brandon and raeshel’s marriage playbook…get creative in your talking.  you can call, text, tweet, blog, chat, or even use hand signals.  anything to get the conversation ball rolling.

take it from me, good conversation can lead to a lot of other good things!

what are some communication tools you have in your marriage playbook you could pass on to others?

let the talking begin…

Politically incorrect…

okay, i’m still a little (no, a lot) bugged by what happened at lunch today.

i met up with logan for our regular monday meeting at bueno…again.  lunch was so good yesterday, we decided we needed more.  99 cent “muchaco monday” was just a little too hard to pass up.

anyway, while we were there, a young couple came in with their three children…a new-born and twin boys that were not much more than a year old.  they ordered a bunch of food, put their twins in highchairs, and sat down to what was obviously their normal lunch.

twin#1 didn’t want to be in the highchair.  nope.  not at all.  and he began to let everyone in bueno’s fine dining room know all about it.  i mean, aaaallllllll about it.  it was a cry that bordered on the demonic.  it came from somewhere low in his esophagus and seemed to regurgitate out.  and there was no end in sight.

mom and dad ignored him.  carried on a conversation and seemed totally unphased by the satan-sound that was exploding out of the spawn’s bowels.  totally unphased.

mom and dad appeared to be normal.  they were dressed normal.  they looked fairly normal.  they drove a fancy, big suv.  it smacked of employed. from what i could tell, they bought some 99 cent muchacos.  they obviously had brains.

so why the disconnect?  why the total disregard for courtesy and kindness?  why ignore your own child…not to mention your fellow bueno-heads…for nearly 25 minutes of absolute torture?

dad finally finished his food and begrudgingly picked up the little out-of-control-fruit-of-his-loins and…surprise!  guess who stopped the vocal explosion?  go figure.  he carried him outside as mom continued to eat, oblivious to the entire dining room full of shocked and horrified patrons.  not to mention, relieved.

this whole nightmare got me to thinking.  i know it’s not politically correct…or even prudent…to get the government involved in the private lives of its citizens.  i’m not too hot on the government stepping in and telling me how to run my life, how to spend my money, what doctor i should go to, blah, blah, blah.

but really, after today, i think i would be all for required state-mandated tests…complete with yearly testing updates…to monitor the fitness of people to make and raise children.  i know that sounds harsh, but my ears still hurt.

call me insensitive.  call me too old.  tell me i’m out of touch of what it means to be a parent.  tell me i’m a crotchety old man who doesn’t understand how difficult it is to raise children these days.  i don’t really think i’m any of the above, but if it makes you feel better, call me whatever you want.

but when people start to mess with bueno, watch out.  it’s time for heads to roll.

Monday Morning Quarterback

what a really good sunday!

• there are other church blogs that will be telling of the hundreds of baptisms that took place in their buildings yesterday, but none will be any more important than the one we had yesterday in our building!
• way to go rachel!…and a huge boo-ya to elizabeth!
• i gotta admit that i didn’t actually watch the baptism, though.  i was messing with the dead battery in my microphone.  the show must go on…
• big crowd in the first hour again.  i wonder what would happen if the first hour became the popular one?  i bet the restaurants are less crowded at 11:30.
• i can see how someone could criticize the teaching yesterday.  there were a lot of words that come straight out of pop psychology:  personal worth, belonging, self-image, identity, importance, significance, value…
• but the thing is, those words and concepts (just like so many others throughout history) have been stolen from the bible and redefined in ways god never intended.
• when i read the genesis account of the beginning of the human race, i see adam and eve infused with worth and value right at the point of creation.  meaning and purpose flow out of relationship with  the god who made us…poured his spirit into us…uses us for noble work…and defines our destiny for eternity.  how’s that for significance?
• it’s always humbling to preach on excuse-giving.  not hard to find an audience!  not hard to be the audience…
• do you realize that if everybody that calls north point family would show up on the same sunday morning, we wouldn’t have enough room…enough chairs…enough communion…enough coffee…enough nursery space?
• we would have enough parking, though.
• i would like to experience that day.
• why do really good song writers and bands feel the need to make really good songs sappy by including non-words for us to sing in the middle of really good songs?  “signature of divine” is an awesome, powerful song that gets completely undermined by the…”oh oh’s”.
• by the way, i still love the song and our band rocks when they lead it.
• it was a “bueno” day at lunch.  a great place to spend a buck.
• my daughter-in-law whined about going to bueno, though.  she says the taco meat tastes to much like real hamburger.  she says she wants her fast-food taco meat to be more like dog food. i’m not joking…
• she said she liked it better when she mixed the beans and the taco meat together.  more like dog food, she said…
• good meeting in the afternoon.  to all who came:  thanks for the encouragement!
• you’ll be hearing more about the october 25th “funday”, holiday at the hall, and the advent conspiracy soon.
• this is going to be an awesome fall!
• to all my dallas cowboy friends:  i’m feeling your pain…

“There must be a reason why some people can afford to live well. They must have worked for it. I only feel angry when I see waste. When I see people throwing away things we could use.” – Mother Theresa

some new holden…

just thought you might like the view…

Axioms…from my perspective

i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“be content with what you have.”

let enough be enough.

the pursuit of stuff will control you.  we live in a culture that defines personal worth by what you have…your symbols of success.  all of us, to some degree, have bought into it.  and if you don’t aggressively fight it with all you’re worth (sorry for the pun), you’ll lose.  you’ll just lose.

nice things are not evil.  there is nothing inherently wrong with more expensive things.  i have some.

it’s just that there is an amazing freedom in living a simple life and being content with what you have, rather than living in a constant state of pursuing bigger, better, faster, newer, or nicer.  we just have to let go of the idea that better stuff equals better life.

there is great joy in being able to enjoy what we already have and learning to accept the limitations of our situations.  one of the greatest lessons i have ever learned (and continue to learn on deeper and deeper levels) is to let god be the provider of more when he wants to, and not necessarily when i want to.  unfortunately, this is a discipline that most of us know very little about…

more than anything else, if we are constantly looking to make our own lives better, more comfortable, more lavish, or more symbolically successful, we will never be able to truly experience jesus being enough.  it will be nothing more than empty words to a song we sing.