Axioms…from my perspective

normally, i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“sometimes, no matter what you do, it won’t be good enough”

up until i was about 12 or 13, i was a yankee fan.  i used to idolize the great mickey mantle and whitey ford and yogi berra.  i had their baseball cards (i would be a rich man, if i would have kept all of them).  i even got to see a couple of games in the old yankee stadium when i was a kid.  it is a surreal memory for this life-long fan of the great game.

somewhere along the timeline of free agency, anti-trust laws, no salary caps and big market revenues, i lost my love of the yankees.

call it sour grapes.  call me a whiner.  tell me to pull up my “big boy” panties.  whatever.

when you have more money than anybody else, you get to buy yourself the best players.  a-rod, matsui, derek, tex, c.c., a.j.  and on top of that, you have the money for the best facilities, the best travel accommodations, the best training, the best equipment, the best stadium, the biggest marquee, the most fame and attention.

and that’s the point of this axiom.

the yankees won the world series last night.  ho hum.  they were supposed to win.  all of us small-market, small-minded whiner-complainers are never going to be satisfied…and we will never give the yankees their due.  to us, we minimize their effort and success by discounting it.  we cheapen their lopsided victories by saying, “what do you expect?  they’re supposed to win!  they bought the best players that money can buy!”

the yankees had a player payroll this year of $201 million.  my beloved san diego padres had a payroll of about $43 million.  what does that mean?  the more money you have, the better stuff you can buy.  it’s simple economics.  and yeah…i’m bitter.

but here’s the deal.  in the end, the 25 players the yankees played with still had to perform.  they still had to live up to their billing.  they had to hit better, throw better, catch better, run better, think better…than the other 29 teams…through 162 regular season games…two rounds of playoffs…and a best of seven world series.  and they did it.

just because you are supposed to be better, doesn’t always mean you are better.  this year, the yankees are the best.  but for most people, it will never be good enough.  if they would have lost, they would have been “under-achievers”.  by winning, all they did was what they were supposed to do.  for the yankees, it’s a no-win.

sometimes, no matter what we do…no matter how hard we try…no matter the effort, the heart, the motive, the intent…what we do will not be good enough for some people.

they will say we should have tried harder, done more, spent more time, given an extra day or an extra call or an extra dollar.  sometimes…for some people…our performance will never meet their expectations.  we will let them down.  they will blame us for failures that are not ours.  they will make us out to be scapegoats.  they will see us as over-paid, under-achieving disappointments.

sometimes, no matter what we do, it won’t be good enough.

take a moment right now and thank god that he doesn’t grade our performance the same way people do.

Axioms…from my perspective

i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“without goals, we end up going nowhere.”

i was doing some housecleaning the other day and found a copy of my personal life goals that i wrote in 1985…almost 25 years ago:

to be a man of faithfulness

to follow the example of christ

to have a lifestyle that reflects kingdom priorities

to defend the faith and persuade others to consider the truth and way of christ

to love, honor, encourage, challenge, submit to the best interests of wanda

to present my boys to the service of christ

to live with joy, be at peace and experience contentment

to grow strong in spirit, endurance and excellence

to avoid law-keeping and live by grace

to live without bitterness and to learn to forgive instantaneously

to attain some measure of self control as lifestyle

to grow deeper, wiser and more patient

to be a man of influence

to live life with sensitivity and obvious commitment to those less fortunate

to possess nothing that cannot be loaned or relinquished freely

for years, i carried that list around in my day-timer notebook.  i looked at the list regularly.  about five years ago, i started using a laptop exclusively (no more office computer).  with that decision, i stopped carrying the notebook…and stopped carrying my goals with me all of the time.  i didn’t realize how much i’ve missed carrying them around with me.  i’m working on a new plan to keep them with me everyday.

looking back, i’ve done pretty well on some of my goals…not so good on others…but i’m still working on all of them.  i will until my time here is over.  it’s just the way i am.

i’m a better man and a deeper follower of christ than i was 25 years ago.  writing goals was an important part of the process.  it still is.

what about you?  do you have character goals that you have identified and make a conscious effort to work on?  if you don’t, why not?

today is good day to start.

Axioms…from my perspective

i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“drive slow.  it’s the only way to really enjoy the journey.”

this is what we call a metaphor. 

we live in a world that is moving fast and growing faster every day.   if we are ever going to fully absorb the joy of life and dive deeper into the lives of people…and even have a chance at really experiencing the presence of god, we’ve just go to slow down.

when it comes to travel, there are really two types of people in life.  i like to call them destination people and journey people.

what that means is that there are those folks that are focused on getting to the destination…people who are obsessed with “arriving” and find their meaning in reaching the goal as quickly as possible.  they don’t rest until they have achieved what they have set out to do and the experience of getting to the finish line is merely the means to an end.

journey people are different.  although they care about goals and ends and finish lines, they don’t find their meaning and purpose at the destination…they find it all along the way.  journey people live for the experience and find joy in the traveling.  it’s simply a different way to live.

i’m a journey person.  i advocate it for everyone.  i realize it’s probably good that we have some people that are driven and consumed with success and growth and destination and goals.  the fact is, without those people, life would probably look a whole lot different.  i’m just glad i’m not one of those people!

i have goals.  the end product is always important.  the point of the journey is to get there, for crying out loud.  i just want my voice of reason to be heard.  how we get to the goal is just as important (and maybe more important) than actually getting there.

when we are consumed with getting there, we have this tendancy to miss what god has for us to see and experience along the way.  it is in the practice of the journey that god changes us and molds us and makes us into the people he wants us to be.  don’t miss it!

past the metaphor, there’s some hard-core reality in this axiom.  i’ll admit it…i’m a slow driver for real.  driving slower  keeps me from wasting my money paying speeding tickets.  i spend less money on gas because i never “gun it” on the take off and i always gear down and brake slowly to limit the wear and tear on my brakes.  (we’ve gone over 65,000 miles since our last brake job!).

driving slower allows me to be more aware of fools, idiots, brainless children and people talking or texting on their cell phones.  it slows my heart rate down.  i never panic.  i enjoy the ride and and seldom have a need to pay people back for ruining my trip.

(for the record, i only drive slower than the speed limit when there are multiple lanes and lanes for local nascar drivers to pass…so save your smug judgment!)

so whether you ride with me in my jeep or walk with me along life’s journey, be prepared to go a little slower.  it will be good for you.

Axioms…from my perspective

i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“sitting and talking is a great thing.”

this one seems so simple and un-profound…something all of us should just know.  in fact, i think most people know it’s true, but few actually do it as a regular, intentional discipline.

i have been amazed throughout the course of my life at the inability of both young people and adults to sit and carry on an intelligent, transparent and meaningful conversation.

we now have multiple generations of people who have grown up in front of screens…movie screens…television screens…computer screens…flat screens…cell phone screens…all of which have broken down our ability (and even willingness) to go face-to-face.

we need to take time to sit and talk to each other.  husbands and wives need to talk.  parents and kids need to talk.  friends need to talk…really talk.

we need to talk about what we are learning and about what we are feeling.  we need to talk about our mistakes and fears and what makes us angry.  we need to talk about dreams and goals and failures and disappointments.

we need to stop talking so much about other people.

we need to sit and talk about our faith and our doubts and where those two are in conflict.

we need to hear more…forgive more…understand more…explain more…open up more.

we need to move our conversations beyond the shallow and mundane.  we need to be willing to risk honesty.  we need to dig deeper inside ourselves and take others with us.  we need to stop being afraid of baring our souls and start being afraid of the dangers of isolation, emptiness, and denial.

we need to stop worrying so much about what others think of us and start focusing on integrity in our conversations.  and we need to quit being embarrassed when people see us for who we really are.  who are we trying to fool?

we need to learn to reflect daily on what god is doing in our lives and pass it on to those that are closest.  we need to look carefully and thoughtfully at all of life and don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions.

conversation is the oxygen of relationships.  without it, we will suffocate.  without it, we will die.

Axioms…from my perspective

i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“be comfortable with the way god made you…don’t try to be someone you’re not”

our society constantly tries to paint pictures of what we need to be…how we should look, what we should wear, what we should drink to be seen as cool, the kind of things we should do to have fun, the behaviors that rich, famous, or popular people do to maintain their social status, the kind of job we have to have to feel good about ourselves, the amount of money we have to make to feel successful, the style of car or house we have to own to prove our worth in the eyes of others.

none of that matters.  worth, value and self-esteem come only from living our lives the way god has designed us to live.

i hate to admit this, but i spent a lot of years of my life trying to be something that i wasn’t.  i can remember when i was about sixteen and there was this really cool older guy that came into my “circle”.  i admired the things he did…the way he looked…the talents he had…the way others treated him.  in my eyes, he was everything i wasn’t…and everything i wanted to be.  it began an elusive chase that i spent many, many years of my life expending energy on.

there’s a line between being everything i can be…and being content with the way god made me.  one is about growing and developing and changing and maturing and reaching potential.  the other is a never-ending journey to a dead end.  and we’ve got to learn the difference!

the older i’ve gotten, the more comfortable i’ve grown in my own skin.  there are corners of my life that i can confidently say are uniquely me.  i see my upbringing stamped on me.  i see my father’s imprint.  i have character and personality and ways of looking at things that are simply part of who i am.

more than anything else, i can see the grace and wisdom of an omnipotent god who is still at work in my being.

this is one coin that definitely has two sides.  i’ll write about the other side next week.

Axioms…from my perspective

normally, i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

and i’m late, again.

“home is where peace resides”

the world is a crazy place!  there needs to be a space in our lives that is safe from all the attacks that chip away at our self worth and threaten our sensibilities.

there needs to be a retreat where we can wander any time, day or night, where we can be refreshed and be around genuine love and laughter…a place where we can breathe and think and play and relax and be accepted for exactly who we are…a place that affirms, protects, builds up, and makes life better, rather than tearing it down.  that is what my home is.  yours should be, also.

home should be a place where peace resides and unresolved conflict is not welcome.   a place of safety and an everyday “sanctuary” from fear and judgment and pressure and all the things that rob our joy and steal our confidence.

i realize that a lot people want their home to be the place where they don’t have to put on masks.  a place to be authentic and the people we really are.  unfortunately, for many that means a place where yelling is normal…walls are erected…silent treatments are given…doors are slammed…sarcasm is tolerated…rebellion is evident…forgiveness is absent…and power is reserved for those who can manipulate the best.

my house may not be the biggest or prettiest one on the block, but it will always be the one where peace resides.  it takes work.  it takes a commitment.   it takes compromise.  it takes a partner willing to make the same.

more than anything else, it takes surrender.  the surrender of rights and privileges and entitlement and the whole idea that i (we) am at the center of my world.  peace is worth it.  you see, peace is not the absence of turmoil.  it’s the presence of joy and purpose.

yup.  that’s my home.

Another trip to California

i’m sitting here studying this afternoon, but i can’t keep my mind from wandering…

most of you know that the whole farra clan is traveling back to california this next week for corey and lindsey’s wedding.  to help us with this little affair, we have some amazing friends back on the coast who are opening up their lives to make this trip really special for all of us.

a house to stay in, cars to drive, baby supplies for the newest farra, chauffeuring, totally adjusted schedules, food to eat…even a travel trailer for some of our friends from texas to stay in (think national lampoon christmas vacation).

in spite of this incredible imposition that we are creating, they all still seem genuinely excited for us to be coming.  that’s what real friendship is all about, i suppose…

last night, as i was talking to one of our friends who is making this all possible, she said that she had learned a lesson a long time ago, to share what god had given to her…because it was god’s anyway.

it was the same lesson wanda and i were taught when we were just a young couple beginning our life journey…and we have done our best to pass it on to everyone we have ever been around…to our own boys and all who have ever lived with us…to our friends and church family and youth group…pretty much anybody who has ever gotten close enough to see what was important to us.

how incredible to see that the spirit of generosity, that was passed on to us many years ago, keeps being lived out in the lives of humble people along the way.  and it constantly comes back to bless us again and again.

i’ve written about this before, but i want to pass it on again:

don’t own anything that you can’t freely let go of for the benefit of others.

learn the joy of sharing what you have, especially to those in need.

we live in a world where people are owned by their stuff.  what a crummy way to live.

the more you can understand that your stuff is only “on loan” to you…everything…your house and your cars and your technology and your equipment and even your own children…the sooner and more completely you’ll understand that your own life is “on loan”, also.

when that happens,  the grossness of the self-centeredness of our lives begins to diminish…and can be replaced with a purpose and meaning  and gratitude that is beyond words.

yes…a much better way to live.

Axioms…from my perspective

normally, i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“spend your life doing something you would do…even if you weren’t paid to do it.”

you know, there are a lot people who have to get up every day and go to work at jobs they don’t really like.  they have bills to pay and children to feed and financial responsibilities out their ears…and job prospects are limited, so they have to take just about anything that comes their way…just to make ends meet.  my heart goes out to you, if you are one of those in this situation.

frankly, there are many who struggle just to make it through each day…people who would love to trade in their current job…or current situation… for something more meaningful, more fulfilling, more purposeful.  but they can’t.

but what i am saying is less about a job and more about what’s going on in our hearts.

what thrills you?

what is really important to you?

what puts purpose in your step?

what do you go to bed at night anticipating for the next day?

is there anything that transcends the mundane in your life?

what produces joy…even in the midst of difficulty?

i’m a pretty fortunate guy.  for most of my life, i’ve really had a job that allowed me to spend most of my days doing youth ministry…the thing i always loved and the thing that has always been the  most important to me.  but i would have done  it if nobody paid me.  i used to.  i would again.

it’s that important.

so i’ll ask again.  what do you believe in so much that you would do it (and will do it) simply because it means that much to you?

what is it?

Axioms…from my perspective

normally, i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“possess nothing that cannot be given away, loaned, or used and abused freely.”

what a difficult value to live out! “what’s mine is mine.  what’s yours is yours…and keep your hands off mine!”  this kind of mentality is what most in our culture grow up with. on top of that, we live in a culture that defines success and reputation more by what we own that by any other value.  combine those two things together and we have created an environment where we are owned by our stuff, rather than us owning it!

years ago (as a young couple), we made a decision to do our very best  never to let our stuff control us, but to see ourselves as simply stewards of what belonged to someone else.

we believed (and still do) that everything we have is gods and is, therefore, subject to kingdom use.  we work hard to buy things that have obvious kingdom uses.  the kind of house we own, cars we drive, recreational and entertainment stuff we buy, tools and equipment we possess…even valuable (or in our case, lack of valuable) keepsakes and decorations are all, yes, all on loan to us from god and we are just stewards.

for the record,  although we try to use our resources to fund things mostly on a “need” basis, we have never been particularly amish in our approach to life and “things”.  we actually have some pretty cool stuff.  but even our cool (and more expensive stuff) is still god’s.  and because of that, it is here to be used.

nothing that we own…nothing…is “off limits” for others.  sometimes it’s hard.  sometimes we don’t want to share.  sometimes we wisdom dictates situations where we have to say “no”.  but not because our stuff owns us, but because to loan it or use it or give it away would not be prudent at that time…or with those people.  but it’s always up for discussion.

we need to be wise and take care of what we “own” the very best we can, but never, ever controlled by it.

honestly, this may be one of the most important and practical axioms that the farra’s have tried to live by…and one that has constantly reminded us to surrender ourselves to the lordship of christ and live dedicated to the kingdom.

Axioms…from my perspective

normally, i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“sometimes, there’s just nothing you can do.”

have you ever had to emotionally separate from someone you love?

have you ever had to put up internal protective barriers between you and someone else, because even though you wanted to be close, they didn’t…and you didn’t want to feel that pain?

have you ever wanted to have a relationship with someone, but you had to create distance…waiting for them to be honest?

a while back, i shared with you this axiom:  “risk being hurt by people.” don’t get me wrong.  i still believe in this axiom.  it is still one of the most profound lessons i have ever learned and i will stand by it’s truth and live with it’s consequences until the day that i die.  but there is a “flip side” to this truth.

sometimes, there just isn’t anything more that you can do.

sometimes, you will give it all…pour it all out…and others will not reciprocate.  sometimes, you will want more and deeper and all you will get is shallow.  sometimes, you will want to be great friends and all you will get is cordial.  sometimes, you will want to share life and heart and spirit…and all you will get is the passing of information.

you will want to speak honestly…resolve differences…dig deeper…know the truth…struggle with dissimilarity…feel their pain…walk through the uneasy, the uncomfortable, the darkness, the anger…but they won’t.

sometimes, there’s nothing more that you can do but wait.

it may change.  it may not.  but you can bet it will stink.