okay…texas sports fanaticism reach a new high tonight at our young adult bible study.

there was a group of us sitting around watching the browns-steelers game after the study, and the conversation turned to sports headlines and the requisite trash-talking that always ensues.  it wasn’t bad.  pretty normal.

cammy was at bible study tonight.  for those of you that don’t know cammy, she is one of the most gifted and talented young people i have ever had come through my youth ministry.  she is a focused and passionate disciple of jesus…a senior student leader at abilene christian uiversity…and deeply committed to the kingdom.

she is also one of the most biased, narrow-minded, trash-talking, all-teams-texas, homer i know of.  cammy has never entered a sports talk competition that she didn’t think could win.  she’s that impressive.

but cammy outdid herself tonight!  here’s how it unfolded…

we were talking texas longhorn and dallas cowboy football.  the topic turned to the nfl draft and specifically about the longhorns star quarterback, colt mccoy and his star wide receiver and best friend, jordan shipley.

cammy has turned on the cowboys great hope, tony romolicious, and she wants the cowboys to draft colt mccoy as their next quarterback.   that’s another post for another time.  but the next part of the dialogue was pure sports greatness.

she proceeded to say that cowboys should then draft shipley, because mccoy and shipley are best friends and they have some kind of cosmic football connection that would ensure epic success and bring the cowboys back to their rightful spot as america’s team (my words, but her sentiment).

i pointed out to her that shipley has already declared that he is not going to play professional football, but that he is going to be a missionary…his lifelong goal as a disciple of jesus.  admirable, to say the least.

without even a hesitation (or a prayer of forgiveness), cammy put texas-sports-homer loyalty into perspective:

“missionary?  he doesn’t need to be a missionary.  i go to a school that’s full of people studying to be missionaries.  let them go and do it.  he needs to come and play for the cowboys!”

have i told you recently that i love living in texas?

when i was a kid in high school, i lived two lives.  one was my church life. the other was everything else.

don’t take this the wrong way.  i was pretty much the same guy in both places.  i didn’t live some kind of horrible hooligan lifestyle away from church.  i was still me in both places.  i was a nice, likable guy wherever i went.

it’s just that those two worlds didn’t overlap.  i had a set of friends and acquaintances at church…and a whole other group elsewhere.

and the thing is, i didn’t want them to overlap.  i didn’t want my friends at school and on my teams and in my neighborhood to see my church world.  too weird.  too much to explain.  too dysfunctional.

me inviting my non-church friends to walk into my church world,  would have been like you inviting friends to come to your family christmas dinner at aunt mabel’s house.

they would have to meet uncle eddie.  they would have to walk through a house of chaos…and eat your grandmother’s fruit cake.  they would see your mom and her sisters telling secret jokes in the kitchen.  they would have to listen to your father snoring in the recliner and your cousins fighting over the new toys.  and we’re not even going to bring up hector, your aunt eunice’s new boyfriend…

way too much to explain.  some things are just better off remaining in the family.  and honestly, that’s pretty much how i felt about inviting my friends to church.  i worked really hard to build and maintain a reputation of normal with my friends and neighbors.  i wasn’t about to risk what little cool i had managed to earn in their eyes, by showing them my closet.

you may think i’m shallow, but that’s the way it was for me back in those days.  i wonder if it’s not much different for most church people these days?

here are a couple of facts that should blow you away if you care about people:

according to a recent study, 73% of people who don’t attend church have never been invited.

better yet, 82% of people say they would probably go to a church with a friend,  if they were invited.

worse yet, only 2% of regular church goers are actively inviting friends to join them at their church.

so what do you think?  are you inviting?  if you are, what kind of people are you inviting?  the hurt and disillusioned and needy and broken…or are you inviting people who already attend somewhere else?

if you are not inviting, why not?  i mean…this is a serious question that deserves some dialogue.  i’m really interested in your response…

how would our spiritual language look if we removed the word “just”?

just thinking…

thanks to asbo jesus.

there are two words that are incredibly important to building and maintaining a healthy marriage.

compromise and consensus.

in our culture, the concept of compromise has taken a shot.  for many, compromise is what people without conviction do.  compromise is seen as the abandoning of a goal…and taking the easy way out.  to compromise is to fall short.

on the other hand, good relationships…good marriages…are built on a steady foundation of compromise.  compromise is when one person willingly lets go of something important…an idea, a goal, a plan, a desire, a belonging, a job, a hobby, an interest, a priority, a relationship, a value, a possession, a dream, an expectation, pretty much anything…out of love and commitment to the other.

it is done with the best interests of the other person in mind.  compromise is sacrifice.  compromise is generosity.  compromise is done with the belief that god will take care of what is lost in the compromising.  compromise is based on trust…not in the other person, but in god.

for compromise to work, though, it must be done in the right way.  once you have made the compromise, you can’t go back.  whatever you let go of is gone.  you don’t ever bring it up.  there are no regrets. it is never held over the other person’s head.  it’s never used for extortion.  you can’t ever expect repayment.  you don’t compromise and then make the assumption that the favor will be returned.   otherwise it’s not compromise.   it’s simply manipulation.

in a healthy marriage, there are (or should be) big compromises…as well as the little, daily ones that show love in practical and tangible ways.

if you really love your spouse the way you are loved by god, then you will constantly look for compromises you can make…willingly, completely, and with no strings attached.

the other tool of a great marriage is consensus.

consensus is different.  consensus is what is done when compromise can’t, or shouldn’t, be done.

consensus means working towards an alternative decision that both of you will own completely.  consensus says that our two positions are too important to let go of.   consensus says there is a better decision to be found…one that affirms both sides of the discussion.

consensus requires waiting.  consensus is slow and doesn’t work well under a deadline.  that’s why you always have to start to move towards consensus early in the process.  moving to consensus means you take the time to wait, pray, talk, wait, pray, seek counsel, wait, pray, talk…and then decide.  and when there is not consensus, you start the process again.  consensus always values the person over the decision…the process more than the outcome.

compromise is often about making a decision.  consensus is always about making a relationship.  work towards consensus whenever and wherever you can.

even though compromise is an act of love,  real love would never demand a compromise.  think about it.

yesterday culminated a really long, demanding week!

• i’m glad we participate in holiday at the hall.
• there is something really good about being part of the neighborhood and joining in with festivities.  i can’t help but think that jesus would be throwing in, also.
• we’ve got to figure out a way to get more north pointers involved…in the preparations or on the day.
• it’s such an awesome time for building relationships with each other and extending a welcome to new people.
• we’ll have a different plan for next year!
• on the other hand, i don’t blame anyone for not coming outside on saturday.  it was so cold and windy, by the time the day was over, i had to stand in a hot shower for 15 minutes just to get feeling in my skin again…
• if i was a longhorn fan, i’m not sure i would be fully recovered yet, after the near beat-down on saturday night.
• better to go limping into the title game, than not going at all,  i suppose…
• bad week for sermon prep.  at least we got the float done, though.
• i think the cold weather is doing a number on people’s health.  it’s showing in our attendance.
• as much as a love seeing a full building on sundays, i’m grateful for people who choose to keep their germs at home.
• attendance was still good.  it’s a little deceptive now that we are having more people come to the first hour.
• after yesterday, we are getting close to the $7000 mark for advent conspiracy.
• what that means is we will be purchasing our second fresh water well for a community in india!
• keep up the good work.
• this is going to be an awesome christmas season.  and to think, it’s all being made possible because we are simply choosing to give ourselves fewer christmas presents…
• it amazes me that our band can do so much with so little time to practice…
• i love the new version of “joy to the world”.
• i’m starting to get really excited for the beginning of the new year.  we’re going to be studying through another book of the bible.  more on this in the weeks to come.
• are you planning to take advantage of the christmas season to invite someone church?  there is no better time…and no greater willingness to respond.
• i took a nap yesterday afternoon.  cold, rainy sunday afternoons are made for napping, don’t you think?
• especially when your favorite football team is winning.  go chargers.
• oops…sorry, locals.

have a great week.  worship fully.  spend less.  give more.  love all.

i have a message to give to pastors…senior pastors…youth pastors…children’s pastors…music pastors…whoever.

to you that aren’t church pastor-types, you get to listen in today, because this is about you, too.

you pastor-types have this tendency to get really frustrated with non-pastor-types, when the non-pastor-types don’t get as excited about our programs and our ministries and our agendas as we do.

you pastor-types make demands on non-pastor-types that require time and energy and money and sacrifice and re-prioritizing of personal lives.  you pastor-types call meetings and work days and classes and studies and then demand that people submit themselves to these requirements.  and show up and show their support.

you pastor-types work during the week to prepare programs for people to come to.  you pastor-types will try to tell the non-pastor-types that the program is good for their spiritual growth…or for the good of the kingdom.   and pastor-types sit around with each other and whine that their precious programs are not well-attended.

well…to you pastor-types, i have this to say to you:  you need to get over yourself and get a clue.

tonight, there were a bunch of us that worked on our holiday at the hall float.  good-hearted people who had already put in 10-hour work days…ate fast food dinners…said “no” to recliners and peaceful nights at home.  i’m humbled by their sacrifice.

i’m not saying this to guilt others into doing the same.  far from it.

what i want to say goes out to the pastor-types.

we pastor-types have the luxury of planning our days…our 10-hour workdays…plus the additional three hours of our program or work project…around our own schedule. we have flexibility to adjust our schedules the day before or the day after, to accommodate program demands.  non-pastor types don’t.  they just need to get up the next morning and go to work at 7:00am…like they do every day.

we pastor-types need to better understand the lives that our people live…and stop being put out or frustrated that people struggle to make it to our programs.  we need to put ourselves in the shoes of people who work all day and just need to get home to be with their families.  we need to put ourselves in the shoes of people who can’t see ways to live up to our expectations of them.

we pastor-types need to have way more patience and sympathy and compassion on our folks who have bills to pay and children to raise and houses to fix and cars that break down and dinners to cook and lawns to mow and conversations to have and sleep to catch up on…

…and we need to deeply, deeply appreciate it when people are able to carve out time to join our programs and work on our projects.

to all who have had the time to help…you are great examples to me.

to all who have had schedule demands that required your attention in other places…grace to you!

there’s this pastor-blogger i had been following online over the past couple of years.  he was young-ish, brash, confident, mega gifted, and the leader of a rapidly growing, hip church plant.  they went from running 50-60 to over a thousand in less than two years.

lots of new staff members.  innovative programs.  media attention.  travel and speaking and writing.  very impressive.

to me, he wrote about the growth with arrogance and bravado and a false humility.  i followed him with curiosity…a captivation with the great things that appeared to be happening…and a sick feeling that something was wrong.

unfortunately, i was right.  this summer, his affair with a female staff member became public.  so incredibly sad.

he’s lost it all.  he was immediately asked to resign from his church.  his marriage ended quickly.  he lost custody of his little kids.

i’ve never met him.  through his writing, i found him to be engaging, influential, creative, funny, powerful and authoritative.  but the conceit and egotism was always present.  i hurt for him as i read his blogging…long before his crash and burn happened.

within a couple of months, he was writing about starting a new church in the same town as the one he was fired from.  no kidding!

it looks like some friends must have got a hold of him and put him in a spiritual headlock.  he stopped blogging.  i hadn’t read anything from him in the past few months.  he surfaced a couple of weeks ago.  he wrote about some of the lessons he’s learning.

it’s really kind of sad-funny.  his insight into what he’s learning is profound.  but his arrogance and belief that god is preparing him to pastor another church quickly is stunning.  part of me wishes he would just be quiet, go dark for a few years and let god heal him.  watching him is like watching a train wreck.

the other part of me is watching (reading) to hear the lessons.   some of them will be worth passing along.

the thing that stands out today is how grateful i am to have people around me who will call my life into accountability…quickly.   the path to the pedestal is always close.  whenever i hover near the entrance, it seems like there is always someone who will pull my life and leadership back into perspective.

sometimes those people know exactly what they are doing.  to them, i say “thanks” for the commitment.

sometimes there are people who have no clue they are being used by god for my well-being.  to them, i am grateful for their sensitivity to the movement of god in their lives.

i’m pretty much a grateful guy today.

here’s just another reason why i love christian television.  if any of you are related to these three, let me know.  i want to invite them over to my christmas meal to liven things up.

may your christmas season be a little brighter today…

by and large, we americans are goal oriented people.

it seems as if we were born to compare and compete.  beauty pagents and taks scores and state football championships… pay raises and new homes and retirement plans.  we are consumed with the future.

“what are you going to be when you grow up?”

“what college are you planning to attend?”

“what are some changes you need to make in your life?”

goals.  we’re all about goals.

so here’s the marriage question for this tuesday:  what’s the goal of your marriage?

i’m not asking about your marriage goals...for your finances and your house and your kids and your next vacation.  i’m not talking about goals to be happy or to move to a nicer community or to hike the himalayas together.  those are marriage goals.

i want you to think about the goal of your marriage.

what do you want your marriage to be?

what kind of statement do you want your marriage to make to your children?

what do you want people to think of when they consider your marriage?

how will your marriage honor god?

what will people learn about god when they come close to your marriage?

what kind of influence will your marriage have?

how will your marriage reflect values of the kingdom?

what kind of legacy do you want your marriage to leave?

your answers to these questions will define the goal of your marriage.

i think it might be time to raise the bar.

i always wander through thanksgiving weekend with mixed emotions.

the week of thanksgiving comes near the end of a long semester and it always comes as a welcome relief.  now that it is a full-blown week of vacation for most kids and many family members, it has turned into great week.

lots of family time, traditions, turkey and mashed potatoes, football, shopping, putting up christmas decorations…you name it.  but here’s the flip side for me.

this is also a week that seems to bring all of our momentum as a church family to a stand still.  we get out of our routine.  half of our church family packs up and makes the trip to aunt ethel’s house for thankgiving dinner.  personally, my mind disengages.

maybe it’s watching my friends leave.  maybe it’s the bad football games on thanksgiving day (really, can’t we get a good matchup?  how come the cowboys never play the eagles on turkey day?).  maybe it’s the triptophan.  whatever…i just know that i go into a church funk and can’t wait to get rolling into december.

by the way, i’ll give you full warning that i will be making this same post in about four weeks…with even greater melancholy…when we go through christmas and new year’s weekends. and nobody better bring up the topic of complaining.  i don’t want to hear it.

in spite of my trepidation, i continue to be totally humbled week after week by what is happening in our church family.

• we had a really good crowd yesterday.
• lot’s of people came home from their travels a day early to be with us in worship.
• this has been a good sermon series for me…a chance to rethink some things i’ve always believed and an opportunity to look into god’s word in a new way.
• i don’t know about you, but i’m not sure i would like somebody telling me to stop complaining…completely… forever…in every circumstance.  really?
• isn’t it interesting to think that our whole concept of thanksgiving isn’t really based on the bible?
• our way of celebrating the thanksgiving tradition is to count our blessings.
• god’s perspective on thanksgiving is to quit focusing on only the good things and start thanking him for everything.
• this is a much bigger list.
• it’s good that at least one person in the north point family thinks i’m funny.
• it’s time for christmas songs again.  let my love-hate affair begin.
• the christmas decorations looked really good.  i love the look and feel of christmas in our building!
• thanks to all the people who helped decorate on saturday morning.
• are you meeting new people every sunday?  what’s holding you back?
• it was wanda’s birthday yesterday.  it’s always a fun day for me.  this was the 39th consecutive year we have spent her birthday together.
• lunch at rudy’s with friends was awesome!

i hope you all had a great thanksgiving break and you are ready to dive into the christmas season.  it’s the best time of the year to introduce people to the jesus you know.