yesterday was another sunday. we came. we prayed. we sang. we hugged. we laughed. we learned. i preached. you listened and applied. we caught up a little. we made decisions. we gave. we remembered. some of us left and ate together…others went home. we all went our own way. a new week was begun.
i guess i’m going to sum up what i feel about yesterday by giving you some different kinds of observations.
if what happened yesterday between 10:00 and 12:30 defines your life as a follower of christ, you’ve got a problem.
if you were not inspired to go and spend your next six days surrendered to kingdom-living, you missed the point.
or we didn’t do our job.
if you think you can miss on a sunday morning and i’m not affected by it, you’re fooling yourself.
if you think you can miss on a sunday morning and you not be affected by it, you’re fooling yourself.
if you think you can come on sunday mornings and be absolved of guilt, you’ve missed the point.
we have to learn the balance between the value of coming and the freedom to not come.
we also have to learn another balance…
as i reflect on yesterday, i recognize that we are really good at one thing…and we really struggle at another. and both of them are crucial to a healthy church family. we like our friends. we enjoy their company and find that interacting with them is comfortable and usually pretty natural.
i love watching us interact with each other on sunday mornings. good friends catching up with each other after being apart for a few days, or even a week…or more. that’s the way a family is supposed to act. telling stories. reacquainting. catching up. drawing friends deeper into life journies and cementing friendships before going their own way. it’s good. it’s healthy. it’s godly. it’s essential.
on the other hand, our friendship and familiarity with each other can actually be one of our biggest obstacles to growth and our ability to extend the kingdom.
frankly, when we are focused on those we know and are comfortable with, we are missing amazing opportunities to draw others in…into our circles…into our stories…into our family life…into north point. our friendliness to ourselves actually becomes the way we push others away.
can i give you a challenge? i know that some are actually gifted at interacting with others, especially people who you don’t know. you are natural extroverts. some have the gift of hospitality…the extraordinary ability to welcome strangers. others are not so gifted. no matter.
it’s time we got on with the business of living our lives the way jesus would…if he were at north point on a sunday morning. jesus would be obsessed with finding those that were alone or those that were hurting. he would be the friend to the friendless. he would welcome the new and challenge the regulars.
he would never allow someone to be left out or forgotten. he would be comfortable with the uncomfortable and would extend grace and friendship to those that the religious people overlooked. his life was always inclusive. strangers counted him a friend.
what do you think north point would look like if we treated people, especially those we know little about, the way jesus would?
music is important to me. it wasn’t very long ago that playing my guitar and leading singing and helping people (especially kids) learn to go deeper in their awareness of the presence of god through music was something that characterized my life. i miss those days.
but music is still important to me.
back in the early 80’s, i was introduced to music of rich mullins. his music and lyrics challenged and sustained me during some really difficult times. his theology stretched my thinking and impacted my lifestyle. the depth of his understanding of god and the kingdom was profound.
he died an untimely death. our loss was beyond words at the time. it’s still pretty much beyond my words.
anyway, i thought i’d share a few of his songs with you. his music was simple. it never topped the charts. it wouldn’t today. but his lyrics…
If I Stand
There’s more that rises in the morning than the sun
And more that shines in the night than just the moon
It’s more than just this fire here that keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger than this room
And there’s a loyalty that’s deeper than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
There’s more that dances on the prairies than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean than the tide
There’s a love that is fiercer than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother’s when her baby’s at her side
i think i’ll give you some more insight into rich mullins tomorrow…
normally, i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.
“sometimes, there’s just nothing you can do.”
have you ever had to emotionally separate from someone you love?
have you ever had to put up internal protective barriers between you and someone else, because even though you wanted to be close, they didn’t…and you didn’t want to feel that pain?
have you ever wanted to have a relationship with someone, but you had to create distance…waiting for them to be honest?
a while back, i shared with you this axiom: “risk being hurt by people.” don’t get me wrong. i still believe in this axiom. it is still one of the most profound lessons i have ever learned and i will stand by it’s truth and live with it’s consequences until the day that i die. but there is a “flip side” to this truth.
sometimes, there just isn’t anything more that you can do.
sometimes, you will give it all…pour it all out…and others will not reciprocate. sometimes, you will want more and deeper and all you will get is shallow. sometimes, you will want to be great friends and all you will get is cordial. sometimes, you will want to share life and heart and spirit…and all you will get is the passing of information.
you will want to speak honestly…resolve differences…dig deeper…know the truth…struggle with dissimilarity…feel their pain…walk through the uneasy, the uncomfortable, the darkness, the anger…but they won’t.
sometimes, there’s nothing more that you can do but wait.
it may change. it may not. but you can bet it will stink.
i’ve decided to dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.
“risk being hurt by people…the potential rewards are great!
It’s pretty true when they say that “if it weren’t for the people, life (or the church) would be really great!” People, especially the unhealthy or dysfunctional ones, can really hurt us. i learned a line a few years ago that has been proved true again and again. it should probably be an axiom. it goes like this:
“hurt people hurt people.”
it’s just the way it is.
But it is within the risk of being hurt by people that we find the greatest potential to live our lives fully the way that God intended. God did not wire us to live in isolation. He did not design us to exist as islands, free from the intimate interaction that happens when we share life deeply with others.
He created us for relationship…first with Him…and then with others…all kinds of others! People can treat us poorly or they can treat us with amazing respect and fierce loyalty. The problem is we can never, ever, get to the really great level of friendship without taking the risk of being abused.
i’m not a perfect friend. far from it. i can be selfish…introverted…pre-occupied. i can put up walls when i’m hurt. i can do things that frustrate people and confuse people and cause people to question my leadership or even my integrity. it comes from my sinful nature that will never be completely cured during my time on earth.
but i will not stop trying to be the best friend i can be. i will never stop holding the bar as high as possible for what real friendships should be. i don’t ever want to let my own hurt or disappointment or frustration with people be the reason to cut off friendship.
with that stated, there is a “flip” side. i’ll pass that axiom on next week. until then, let’s just work on taking the risks to be hurt by people in an effort to be the kind of friends god would be honored by.
i’ve decided to dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.
“treat people well…whether they deserve it or not.”
we interact with people everyday. it takes just as much effort to be aloof, self-centered, rude, mean, or disinterested as it does to be a gracious, friendly, nice person. to be honest, grace is always better.
that whole golden rule thing comes into play here. somehow, it is so easy to convince ourselves that we are better than others…as if we are never aloof, self-absorbed, crabby, cynical, short, smug, angry, unkind, impatient…need i go on? on those days when we don’t have our “a” game together, we want…no, need, grace. why wouldn’t that be true of others?
an old italian proverb says, “he that will have none but a perfect brother must resign himself to remain brotherless.” man, that is so true! the list of those that are perfect is a short one. why do we have such a difficult time remembering that?
a.w. tozer once said, “to treat an imperfect brother impatiently is to advertise our own imperfections.” i’m no ad man, but i am in the “pr” business…and there is no way i want my shortcomings broadcasted on a billboard in my world. i know i’m imperfect. so does everyone else. but that’s no excuse for grabbing a megaphone and screaming, “look, i’m an idiot!!”
better to extend grace, love freely, and treat others the way i want to be treated…not the way i deserve.
i got an email from my friend andrew today. andrew was the founder of the 1010 project and just recently took a job with amnesty international in london. it’s been a tough few months as he has tried to make the transition from boulder, colorado to the other side of the globe…without his family. melia, his wife, along with konner and tanner, have had to wait back here in the states while they all finished the school year.
i know the days are growing longer and the wait must be incredibly difficult. he sent me a copy of the email he sent to melia after church yesterday. it blew me away. he invited me to share it with all of you:
i wanted to tell you about today – sunday….
for some reason, i got up and went to church, the same church i went to last week. don’t know why i chose the same one – maybe it is because i knew where it was. i walked in and found a seat on my own, near the back somewhere…
a man sitting behind me leaned in and asked me if it was my first time. i lied and said it was – it might as well have been. anyways, he came up and sat beside me. the song service began, and for some reason it was very emotional for me. it went on and on, with the leader allowing time and space for real worship, it seemed. i sat down and was weeping. the man let me be, but after a while he asked ‘ you ok??’ i just shook my head. he just let me be. finally, i asked him… ‘ please pray that my family can come, this week.’ he didn’t ask any details, but he just prayed. he prayed for a visa. he prayed for it to come on monday. he prayed that our family would be a family again. out loud. right there. in the middle of the service.
after he prayed, he told me he had to go. he took my mobile number and took off. i sat and listened to the sermon on my own, then after – another man came and sat beside me. he introduced himself and said the other guy told him about me. he asked about the family…., and he as well just prayed for me, for us. he told me to call him when our stuff arrives so he can get a bunch of guys to help us move in.
i got up to leave, and another man grabbed me and told me he saw me last week but did not get a chance to say anything. he took me back in to get my information and i told him what was up. he asked what i needed, and all i could say is my family. i said, ‘i know nothing of this place’, and he said back, ‘but we do.’ we can do most things, but we cannot read minds, he said to me.
as i went out the door to leave, i got my bike, and another man said to me, ‘nice bike – very nice bike.’ i agreed, of course, and we started talking bikes. he is a mountain biker, along with some other guys in this church. anyways, he asked, and i told him the same story about our family. he offered to lend us his car this week for when you land. offered to put me on the insurance so i could drive it….
they all are looking forward to meeting you and the boys next week. they all are praying.
imagine a church with that kind of fellowship…from men, no less.
this is what we are looking for.
a church with anything less than this is unacceptable.
i don’t know if you’ve ever replaced a wax ring underneath your toilet, but i think it’s something that everyone should do at least once in their life. i’ve done it a few times…not enough to be crowned a wax ring specialist, but certainly enough to pass on this bit of wisdom:
there is nothing about this job that is comfortable, logical, or user-friendly. it’s awkward. there’s not enough room to work. it stinks. it’s messy. it’s heavy. fittings are rusted. it leaks when you start to work on it. your hands get sticky and it gets on everything. did i say that it stinks? there’s nowhere to hold on. screws don’t want to go in the holes. the wrench doesn’t fit. you seldom get it right the first time. you can’t do it alone. if you try to do it alone, all you’ll get is frustrated. even though you need a partner, there’s nowhere for them to fit. communication is nearly impossible because nothing about the job makes sense. one other thing…it stinks.
why do i tell you this? because it reminds me of fellowship. not the fake kind, but the real thing. dealing with people is not always the easiest thing to do. it’s awkward. it’s messy. sometimes there’s nowhere to hold on. things don’t fit. communication is difficult. sometimes it’s just plain old hard work.
but it’s got to be done.
by the way…this time, the toilet came out and went back in with no problems. no problems! i haven’t checked for leaks yet, though…
i’ve been thinking a lot about this “how-do-we-close-the-back-door?” question we’ve been beating around this week. i’ve appreciated the comments. they have stretched me. here’s an observation before i go to bed tonight…
people will stay when they feel like they belong. they won’t feel like they belong until people are willing to intentionally include them into their circles…into their lives. honestly, one of the most frustrating things for me to watch every sunday is our people spending time with our people. let me explain…and forgive me for making it personal!
sunday is the one day we have when new people show up. i guarantee there are people you don’t know, who are at north point every sunday. you know that’s a true statement. but instead of meeting, greeting, welcoming, connecting and extending ourselves to new people, we spend all of our time with our friends, talking…laughing…joking…catching up…enjoying the fact that we belong to each other. and we do.
you might say, “this is the only time i get to catch up with my friends.” baloney. you have six other days. pick up the phone. send an email. invite them over for dinner. go to a movie. make a small group and invite some more of your friends. for crying out loud…you already know each other. it’s easy. and don’t cop out by saying you don’t have time. we make time for the things we want to do. how long does it take to send an email?
you might say, “i’m just not good at being friendly with people i don’t know.” well, join the club. most people aren’t. don’t be a wimp. you weren’t good at a lot of things in your life until you practiced and got better at it. so practice every sunday. you’ll get better. you might even like becoming a friendly person.
you might say, “it’s someone else’s job to welcome new people and help them belong.” so really…just whose job is it and how do you know that? i’ve got a feeling it’s your job and you’re not doing it.
I am a husband, a dad, a spankin' new grandpa (big papi), a pastor, a teacher, a fellow-wanderer, a baseball junkie, a lover of 24, waffles, the first day of fall , loud music, kids, play, the grace of God, and St. Augustine grass!
I am a husband, a dad, a spankin' new grandpa (big papi), a pastor, a teacher, a fellow-wanderer, a baseball junkie, a lover of 24, waffles, the first day of fall , loud music, kids, play, the grace of God, and St. Augustine grass!
