Don’t ask me why…

don’t ask me why i’m writing this tonight.  it’s just on my heart.

looking back over my life’s journey, i have been hurt…really hurt…the kind of hurt that left me emotionally crippled  and so overwhelmed with heart pain that, at the time, i could barely breathe.  it’s only happened a few times, but those moments are burned in my memory.

the words that people used about me…a few to my face, but most done behind my back…were so judgmental, so heartbreaking, so untrue that when i think back about them, i can still relive the pain as if it were happening right now. wow.

if you corner me on a good day and ask me to tell you about some of those experiences, i will probably give you a few highlights…but what  really want to pass on to you is what i’ve learned.

i don’t waste much time on small pain. you won’t find me wasting much time getting my feelings hurt or frustrated by not getting my own way. i’ve definitely learned a lot about picking my emotional battles.

i ache for people who are controlled by their own emotions…who let life’s disappointments dictate their responses. i’ve come out of the pains and hurts in my life with a real determination to be flexible and extend as much grace as i possibly can…especially to people who are younger and less experienced than i am.

there is an unbelievable freedom in being able to live my life without having to have things go my way…or always needing to state my opinion…or having to constantly correct the sins and mistakes of others.

wanda and i joked with each other last night…we really don’t understand why there are some people who don’t like us. all in all, we think we’re pretty ok people.we never raise our voices at anybody. we don’t get mad at people. really. we don’t.  we don’t hold grudges.  neither one of us has a desire to waste even a moment in unresolved conflict with anybody.  we’ve learned to forgive.  yet there are people who have written us off…without ever talking to us or sharing their feelings or giving us the opportunity to explain what we might have done wrong.

i can only conclude that there must have been things that i (we) have done that have caused people hurt or frustration. we’re not perfect. we’re human. but we’re not bad people. i’ve been with wanda for almost 40 years. she is one of the most decent, genuinely nice and thoughtful people I have ever met. there is not a mean bone in her body. her relationship with christ is honest and sincere and gracious. yet there are people who have assumed bad about her…without ever talking with her.

that’s a lot of needless pain and bitterness and judgment to be carrying around, if you ask me!

we work overtime to understand where people are coming from. we take seriously god’s teaching to never let the sun go down on our anger. differences of opinion are simply that…opinions. what you think and feel is just as valuable as what i think and feel.

if you say something that is calloused or insensitive or thoughtless or judgmental or uninformed or rude or distressing or embarrassing or awkward…or simply wrong…the only christlike reaction…the only acceptable response is to give grace and space and time and understanding and the open door to continued dialogue.

why am I writing this tonight? catharsis? maybe. it’s always good for me to write when i’m feeling deeply. but that’s not why i’m writing.

i guess i just wanted to pass on one of life’s greatest lessons…a lesson that i have learned through real pain and real disappoint: don’t waste your time over-reacting to the small stuff. forgive people the way god has forgiven you. live at peace with everybody.  i mean everybody. be flexible, gracious, content and kind. give room for people to make mistakes. take the high road. don’t be a martyr. be the initiator of love.

okay…so that was a little more than one lesson…

i think i’ll sleep well tonight.

Axioms…from my perspective

i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“be comfortable with the way god made you…don’t try to be someone you’re not”

our society constantly tries to paint pictures of what we need to be…how we should look, what we should wear, what we should drink to be seen as cool, the kind of things we should do to have fun, the behaviors that rich, famous, or popular people do to maintain their social status, the kind of job we have to have to feel good about ourselves, the amount of money we have to make to feel successful, the style of car or house we have to own to prove our worth in the eyes of others.

none of that matters.  worth, value and self-esteem come only from living our lives the way god has designed us to live.

i hate to admit this, but i spent a lot of years of my life trying to be something that i wasn’t.  i can remember when i was about sixteen and there was this really cool older guy that came into my “circle”.  i admired the things he did…the way he looked…the talents he had…the way others treated him.  in my eyes, he was everything i wasn’t…and everything i wanted to be.  it began an elusive chase that i spent many, many years of my life expending energy on.

there’s a line between being everything i can be…and being content with the way god made me.  one is about growing and developing and changing and maturing and reaching potential.  the other is a never-ending journey to a dead end.  and we’ve got to learn the difference!

the older i’ve gotten, the more comfortable i’ve grown in my own skin.  there are corners of my life that i can confidently say are uniquely me.  i see my upbringing stamped on me.  i see my father’s imprint.  i have character and personality and ways of looking at things that are simply part of who i am.

more than anything else, i can see the grace and wisdom of an omnipotent god who is still at work in my being.

this is one coin that definitely has two sides.  i’ll write about the other side next week.

Health Care Reform

if you have read my blog over the years, you’ll know that one of the topics i steer clear of is politics.  not because i don’t care.  not because i don’t vote (which i do).  not because i don’t have a political position (which i clearly do).

no.  i don’t spend much time talking politics because i’ve found it’s a sure-fire way of alienating half of the people i am called to minister to.  it’s the one topic that is guaranteed to pidgeon-hole me into a corner with the other group.

right-wing politcal conservatives (especially the christian kind) are vilified these days in the public forum…and for many good reasons!  left-side political liberals (even the christian kind) are being torched by the “right” in the media and through the internet.

at this point in my life, i simply don’t want to hinder my ability to speak of the love and grace of god…to anybody.

with that said, i’m going to pass on a link about the health care reform debate that i would encourage you to read.  it’s by brian mclaren, one of my favorite authors and preachers…and an outspoken leader in the politcal-social-moral-spiritual dialogue going on in christian circles these days.

he may be a little “left” for some of you.  that’s ok.  you might need to be stretched.  his writing on this subject is profound and i believe it would be good for every christ-follower…whether you lean to the left or the right…to digest.

so read it.  consider his words.  lay your agenda aside and listen as a humble seeker of truth.  no more. no less.  if you like what you read, pass it on to someone else!

brian mclaren article

Some really important questions…

last night at our young adult bible study, we had a great discussion about grace and law and guilt and motivation and how to live out our commitment to christ in a way that is true to scripture…and not dominated by an unhealthy view of god, the church and ourselves.

paul wrote the letter to the galatians to challenge them to stay true to the gospel he had taught them (justification by faith) and to avoid turning to another gospel (a returning to the law…salvation earned by human effort).  here’s where my questions come in.

we all openly admitted that our church upbringing had taught us to “do” things to please god.  go to church…study the bible…be good to others…put money in the offering plate…bring a friend…give god your best…pray…memorize scripture…go to vacation bible school…sing the songs…have a daily quiet time…and the list goes on.

children are taught…in church, as well as in society…to take responsibility for ourselves.  we are praised for effort and we take pride in our independence, work ethic, and success.  we are led to believe that anything worth having will cost us.  nothing is free.  nothing of value comes cheap.   it is better to earn it than to have someone give it to you.  you’ll appreciate it more.  there will be deeper satisfaction and the feelings of accomplishment will continue to push us to greater and greater effort and commitment.

so here they are:

• how do you teach a child the concept of salvation by grace through faith from an early age?
  
• how do we express the greatness of redemption from slavery to the law…while at the same time, teaching personal responsibility?
  
• how do we teach children that god is not impressed by church attendance, sunday best, quarters in the offering plate, and being nice to friends?
  
• how do we teach children that there is nothing we can ever do to earn any part of our relationship to our heavenly father?
• how do we help our children build a concept of god and commitment to the kingdom that is free from legalistic works…and full of grace-filled, loving responses to god and people?
  
• how can we help kids grow up into people who love…simply because they are aware that god has loved them first?

how?

Axioms…from my perspective

i’ve decided to dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident.  sometimes practical.  sometimes philosophical.  sometimes whimsical.  but truth, no less.

“treat people well…whether they deserve it or not.”

we interact with people everyday. it takes just as much effort to be aloof, self-centered, rude, mean, or disinterested as it does to be a gracious, friendly, nice person. to be honest, grace is always better.

that whole golden rule thing comes into play here.  somehow, it is so easy to convince ourselves that we are better than others…as if we are never aloof, self-absorbed, crabby, cynical, short, smug, angry, unkind, impatient…need i go on?  on those days when we don’t have our “a” game together, we want…no, need, grace.  why wouldn’t that be true of others?

an old italian proverb says, “he that will have none but a perfect brother must resign himself to remain brotherless.” man, that is so true!  the list of those that are perfect is a short one.  why do we have such a difficult time remembering that?

a.w. tozer once said, “to treat an imperfect brother impatiently is to advertise our own imperfections.” i’m no ad man, but i am in the “pr” business…and there is no way i want my shortcomings broadcasted on a billboard in my world.  i know i’m imperfect.  so does everyone else.  but that’s no excuse for grabbing a megaphone and screaming, “look, i’m an idiot!!”

better to extend grace, love freely, and treat others the way i want to be treated…not the way i deserve.

In praise of the sports metaphor – three

to be honest, i’m not much of boxing fan…although one of my guilty pleasures is to sneak a few looks at  ultimate fighting, when nobody’s looking!

there’s a term that’s unique to boxing that i’ve been thinking about this afternoon.  when a boxer is being beaten and his opponent is pummeling him, he is forced back on his feet and pushed against the ropes.  when his back is against the ropes, he is in a total defensive posture…taking hits, ducking jabs, and receiving shots from the enemy.  if the boxer has anything left, he usually leans on the ropes to muster courage or strength to make it to the end of the round and get back to fight again.

it’s in this experience that we get the metaphor, on the ropes.  it means that place in our journey where the enemy has us backed up, taking his shots, and feeling like we’re getting ready to go down for the count.  it’s that point where we see little hope, little help, and quitting seems like the only option.

i’ve felt like i’ve been on the ropes a few times in my life.  the enemy was getting the best of me through discouragement, sorrow, fear, guilt or failure.  i have wanted to give up.  when i have be on the ropes, i have held on to this truth that comes from the pen (and the life) of the apostle paul:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

if you are on the ropes today, it is my prayer that his grace will be sufficient for you.