Deep…or shallow?

my world is full of people who struggle.  one of the struggles they have is with their misguided and unrealistic belief that the church is full of people who are perfect…people who have their act together…have no struggles…and are somehow better.

i am grateful for people who are honest about their journeys, own up to their sin,  admit their weakness, face their demons, get up when they fall down, refuse to blame others for their problems,  live with openness and transparency, and turn back to jesus.

to me, that’s a victorious christian.

thanks to the nakedpastor for the cartoon.

Axioms…from my perspective

i dedicate thursdays to giving some of my personal life axioms…truth that, from my perspective, is self-evident. sometimes practical. sometimes philosophical. sometimes whimsical. but truth, no less.

“sitting and talking is a great thing.”

this one seems so simple and un-profound…something all of us should just know.  in fact, i think most people know it’s true, but few actually do it as a regular, intentional discipline.

i have been amazed throughout the course of my life at the inability of both young people and adults to sit and carry on an intelligent, transparent and meaningful conversation.

we now have multiple generations of people who have grown up in front of screens…movie screens…television screens…computer screens…flat screens…cell phone screens…all of which have broken down our ability (and even willingness) to go face-to-face.

we need to take time to sit and talk to each other.  husbands and wives need to talk.  parents and kids need to talk.  friends need to talk…really talk.

we need to talk about what we are learning and about what we are feeling.  we need to talk about our mistakes and fears and what makes us angry.  we need to talk about dreams and goals and failures and disappointments.

we need to stop talking so much about other people.

we need to sit and talk about our faith and our doubts and where those two are in conflict.

we need to hear more…forgive more…understand more…explain more…open up more.

we need to move our conversations beyond the shallow and mundane.  we need to be willing to risk honesty.  we need to dig deeper inside ourselves and take others with us.  we need to stop being afraid of baring our souls and start being afraid of the dangers of isolation, emptiness, and denial.

we need to stop worrying so much about what others think of us and start focusing on integrity in our conversations.  and we need to quit being embarrassed when people see us for who we really are.  who are we trying to fool?

we need to learn to reflect daily on what god is doing in our lives and pass it on to those that are closest.  we need to look carefully and thoughtfully at all of life and don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions.

conversation is the oxygen of relationships.  without it, we will suffocate.  without it, we will die.

Friday is Top Five Day

last night at “thursday night club”, i had each person tell the group a couple things that nobody would know about them.  after all these years of preaching and teaching, i don’t have a whole lot of secrets.  i don’t know if this is good news or bad…

anyway, i told of my disgust for the smell of coffee (and taste, too) and that my career goal when i graduated from high school was to be a concert french hornist.  true.

there are a whole lot of things you don’t know about me that i wouldn’t mind if you knew…and there are things you don’t know that i would probably like to keep that way.  self disclosure is a funny thing.  some of the things you don’t know about me that i don’t want you to know about are probably the things that should really be disclosed.  did you understand that?

here are five reasons we don’t self disclose:

5.   we have made a habit of living in self-denial

4.   we are not close enough to people for that to be a natural occurance

3.   we have been hurt, rejected or ridiculed by people when we have tried it

2.   disclosure might require change

1.   fear of embarrassment (and ridicule and rejection and etc…)

those are five that i can think of.  can you add to the list?

A little introspection this morning

those who know me really well know that periodically, i can go through a depressive cycle.  it’s usually brought on by life events that undermine my self-esteem or cause me to question the value or worth of my life effort.

(…as a side note, i think i ought to write a little about depression one of these days.  it is an issue that faces many, if not the majority of people in our culture.  failure, rejection, loss, fear, guilt, pain…you name it…are all triggers that can result in the paralysis of depression.  what do you think?)

i’ve gone through one of those stretches recently and when i do, i always seem to come through on the other side with new insight about myself, or about god, or about friendship, or about loyalty, …but always about truth.  this time has been no different.

truth is, i crave depth.  depth of friendship…depth of conversation…depth of meaning.  i want…and need…friends that talk honestly and deeply…unafraid to speak the truth and stay close enough to heal and forgive (when it’s required).

i love to play and laugh and hang out.  i love to talk about sports and jobs and politics and education and television shows and the best new tools for home improvement.  let’s face it, i can talk shallow and surface and meaningless stuff with the best of you!

but at the end of the day, i crave heart to heart.  i long for friendship that goes below the surface.  the relationship that goes beyond what i do to who i am is what brings me to wholeness.  i want to have people in my life who want to know about what i believe and what moves me to tears and what i’m afraid of and what grabs my heart.

i want people in my life who want to talk about purpose, and not just events…meaning, and not just effort…destiny, and not just destination…doubts and fears, and not just frustrations…the grace of god, and not just religion…truth, and not just the church…heart and passion, and not just personal goals.

i have some of those people.  i want more.  i need more.

how about you?  do you live deep below the surface…or are you skimming?  what are you offering to others?  what are you requiring of others?

go deeper.  now.

Sunday sermon

my sermon from this past sunday was a little different than normal… not that any of them are particularly normal!

there are some things that i am absolutely convinced of:

• my dogs are annoying.
• hd television is cool.  very cool.
• my wife is the best wife ever.
• dieting sucks.
• no matter how good it looks, the padres and the chargers always let me down.
• but i will never turn my back on them!
• my list could go on, but that’s not the point today…

i am also totally convinced that god has designed us for relationship.  it is hard-wired into our spiritual dna.  we are not meant to be alone.  we are not meant to be isolated.  we are never better than we are together.  life is not meant to be lived in secret.  it’s just not.

we don’t like sermons about accountability.  we definitely don’t like to be told we need to be in a small group.  most of us shudder at the thought of sitting with someone else and talking about the details of our life.  but somebody’s got to bring up the difficult topics and ask us how we’re doing…or might never happen.  honestly, it won’t ever happen.

i didn’t like asking the questions sunday morning.  it was one of the most uncomfortable times i have ever had standing in front of our church family.  the looks on faces ranged from astonishment to embarrassment to fear.

but it had to be done.

let me know if you want a copy of the questions.  i would love to send them to you…so you can begin asking someone their answers.

if you didn’t hear the sermon, you can check it out on our church website:  www.npcc.cc

Fifteen Important Questions – #9

hope you had a great christmas day…whether it was filled with family and friends or traveling or a good book or some much needed rest!  here’s your question for today:

what one thing do you most regret about last year, and what will you do about it this year?

our lives are full of good decisions and…not so good decisions.  the amazing thing is that we are always one good decision away from turning everything around and starting a brand new phase of our journey.  most of the time, the start of this process comes down to admitting the truth of our past.  with ruthless honesty.  

happy admission.