i woke up today really troubled. my world is full of broken, or breaking, marriages. there are countless people who crawl into bed at night with people they thought they knew on their wedding day, but have come to accept that they are sleeping with a stranger.
there are many in my world who are living with the remains of a marriage that is over. picking up pieces of promises and dreams and futures that ended some time in the past. some are really doing okay. others have just moved on. some have put on masks. still others are nursing wounds that feel like they will never heal. my heart breaks for them.
marriage is a partnership. no one is completely innocent in the death of a marriage. but that doesn’t mean that the blame for the failure is equal. people bring different levels of brokenness to table than the other…and that brokenness is usually buried, or covered over, or masked by the euphoria of “love” that is blind.
emotionally unhealthy people do not get healthy by getting married. eventually, marriage will expose and exploit those weaknesses. darkness and dysfunction will begin to leak out and start to stain every part of the relationship.
there are no quick fixes to broken or damaged marriages. some marriages are beyond repair. not because change and healing is impossible, but because one, or both partners have crossed the line that says, “it’s over. i choose to quit.” i see lots of marriages these days that are on the path to this kind of ending.
it’s complicated. really complicated. but not beyond hope.
we all need to learn more about marriage. we need to pass on what we know about marriage. we need to be willing to share our mistakes and open ourselves to others…especially to those that are younger or those whose marriages are shaky.
i’ve decided that i am going to set aside tuesdays as “marriage day” on my blog. i’m going to write some of what i have learned in my 34 years of marriage and 37 years of ministry…much of which has dealt with the fruit…both good and bad…of marriages.
i hope you weigh in. i hope you would be willing to pass on some of your wisdom right here.
also, maybe you know of some people who could benefit by this dialogue. why not point them here and suggest they subscribe to this blog? all they need to do is click on the “subscribe by email” line in the right hand column and follow the simple directions. i think there is going to be some amazing stuff passed around about marriage in the weeks to come.