Marriage Tuesday

Back to the discussion of why it’s so important to save sex for marriage…

Truth is, there are different kinds of pre-marital sex.

There’s sex between a man and woman who are in love with each other and see no need to have a formal, legal document to prove their love for each other.

There’s sex between a man and a woman who have no real love for each other and profess no lasting commitment.   It’s simply recreational sex…for a variety of reasons.

There’s sex between men and women (usually younger) who intend to marry in the future, but currently see themselves as married in the eyes of God…and therefore place no limits on their sexual expression.

At times, pre-marital sex is expected…coherced…demanded…casual…deceptive…obliged.   Guys often do it for completely different reasons than women.   It has been said that a guy will express love to get sex…and a girls will give sex, hoping to receive love.   I’ve seen that reality many, many times in my years of youth ministry.

For many…certainly most people in our society…the idea of saving sex for marriage is an antiquated and pointless maxim.   It was something that people back in the dark ages valued,  but far from the reality of modern and post-modern thinkers.

Marriage?   Even the most liberal and free-thinking of people can see value in the institution.   Financial.   Child raising.   Security.   Legal promise keeping.   But the only place a person can have sex?   You gotta be kidding!

The past couple of weeks, we have looked at some specifics in the Bible for the prohibition of sex outside of marriage.   Not the logic behind it,  but simply the command.   I want to start looking at the logic behind the standard.   Here’s the first one:

Wanda and I didn’t have sexual intercourse before we got married.   We both believed that was something that was saved for the wedding night.   I am unbelievably grateful that no other man has ever been with Wanda.   I am the only one.   I’m sure she feels the same way about me.

But it goes deeper than that.

Other women (girls) will be other men’s wives someday.   I can’t imagine the devastation of  stealing that intimacy from another marriage…that unique and irreplaceable mystery from another couple.   There is honor in protecting the sacredness of someone else’s future.

I’m glad no one stole it from Wanda when she was young.   I’m grateful she never gave it freely to someone else as she got older.  i’m equally glad I never stole anyone else’s or gave mine away freely to someone else.   The sexual relationship Wanda and I  have is ours…completely, totally, unfiltered, pure, clean, holy, fun, sacred, unique, exclusive, respected, esteemed, cherished, one-of-a-kind, distinctive, and anything but typical.   It can never be duplicated.   No one can imitate it.   There are no outside expectations or comparisons.   No history.  No baggage.   Only what we have created on our own.   A complete original.

Honestly, who wouldn’t want that?   Who wouldn’t say that was worth waiting for?   Who wouldn’t want that for their own son or daughter?    Oh yeah.   There is deep logic behind God’s laws.

Some would say… “What’s the big deal?  It’s only sex!   If God created it and it’s so good, why do we need to hold back?   Why do we need to limit it to only one person for our whole lives?”

We’ll look at that piece of lunacy next week.

* I am equally grateful that God gives unlimited grace and forgiveness to all of us who fall short of god’s expectations every day of our lives


9 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. Had Corey not piped up, I probably would not have posted. But know I am thinking of my Parents. I had the luxury of NEVER walking in on them. They may remember but not me.
    Now this from the pastor…

  2. All kidding aside,

    “relationship wanda and i have is ours…completely, totally, unfiltered, pure, clean, holy, fun, sacred, unique, exclusive, respected, esteemed, cherished, one-of-a-kind, distinctive, and anything but typical. it can never be duplicated. no one can imitate it. there are no outside expectations or comparisons. no history. no baggage. only what we have created on our own. a complete original.

    If you can insert “The” infront of this statement instead of “sexual” you got it made.You must have a beautiful spouse that you NEVER want to walk away from even if sex wasn’t involved. The words expressed in Mike’s statement is what we should tell/show all ages of what it means to wait for sex until you are married.

    I am going to love being able to say the same statement about my marriage to Raeshel 10, 20, years from now and beyond.
    I am going to work hard and never take for granted want god has given us to enjoy.
    Who wants to pray for us?

  3. Mike–

    I am glad to be able to call you my friend and brother in Christ. For you to be completely open and honest about yourself and your relationship with Wanda is amazing. Putting this out there for the world to see takes some guts. I know you don’t have anything to hide, but the world is a crazy place full of people who love to criticize.

    God Bless You and Your Family..


  4. Can you address prominent Biblical figures who had multiple wives, or wives along with concubines, etc.? The kind of marital sanctity that I had always had faith in is something I’m starting to believe less and less, at least the way it has always been professed to me. The idea of two becoming one flesh (as far as your definition of it goes) seemed to be a foreign concept to many that we read about in our Bible (King David, a man after God’s own heart, or Solomon, the one whom God chose to build His earthly house). I’ve always wanted to believe that sex before marriage was wrong, and a part of me still holds on to that belief, but I’ve read no passage in the Bible that people like to claim addresses sex before marriage that can’t be questioned in some way or another. I’m not looking for an excuse to have sex before marriage, and nothing would make me happier to be with someone who waited for me like I’ve waited for them, but this idea is something I’ve always believed simply because I’ve been told to believe it, and I don’t want to have a faith like that. I hope you will respond to this, and I appreciate reading what you have to say.

  5. I think it’s awesome that you will talk about a subject like this. Far too many people treat sex as if it’s a shameful and disgraceful action that shouldn’t be talked about in public. But if your Pastor isn’t comfortable talking about it or if we as parents aren’t comfortable putting our feelings out there and talking about it in front of others, how in the heck are we ever going to be comfortable enough about it to talk to our children about it?

    We can’t expect our children to control the ticking time bomb that is their sexuality or trust ourselves with our sexuality if we don’t read the handbook. It’s not something that will just go away. It’s not something that can be swept under the rug and talked about when the time is right. It is surely not something we want them to learn on their own.

    Not everyone got it right. You can’t be afraid to tell your children that. If I have regrets about my sexuality and I share that with my sons. Maybe they won’t have the same regrets.

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