do you have something so important to you that you never really stop thinking about it?
do you have things (people, projects, concerns, dreams) that are so close to your heart that you talk to god about them everyday…even multiple times each day?
do you go to bed every night with faces or hopes or plans that are burnt on the inside of your eyelids…or buried deep in your bowels? (remember your splankna?)
sometimes i’m sad. sometimes i’m hopeful. other times i’m frustrated at my inability to control the outcomes of things that are so intimately close to who i am. sometimes i’m angry. sometimes i find my eyes tearing up and a lump developing in my throat. still, there are other times my heart is full of faith that god not only hears my prayers, but will see things from my point of view and act accordingly.
in spite of the sadness and low-grade depression that always seems to be looming just below the surface of my usual happy face, i am glad i feel the pain…and hold on to hope.
it means i’m alive. it means i haven’t lost my way. it means that people are still more important than things. it means i still believe that because i clearly cannot control the decisions of others, i can pray that god will be.
this is good to know.
and even better to believe.