Marriage Tuesday

one of our favorite not-in-the-bible proverbs is this one:

“experience is the best teacher”

it sounds so good, doesn’t it?   so practical.   so logical.   such timeless wisdom.   the great roman leader julius caesar recorded the earliest known version of this proverb,  “experience is the teacher of all things,”   in ‘De Bello Civili’ (c. 52 B.C.).   who am i to argue?

i’m me.

even though i see the logic and i will even go out on a limb and say that agree,  in principle… i still have a major stipulation in my agreement.    experience can be a teacher.   it can be a good teacher.   it can even approach greatness.   but only if one thing happens.

you need to learn from it!

frankly,  when it comes to marriage,  i see people making the same mistakes again and again and again…never learning anything from their past blunders.   here’s an even better proverb:

“only an idiot does the same thing and expects different results”

left to ourselves,  most of us will just keep treating our marriages with the same old shabby neglect.   poor listening.   selfish behaviors.   no conflict resolution.   walls.   insensitivity.   careless words.   thoughtless actions.   boring.   mundane.   the same ol’…same ol’.   lots of experience.   no lessons being learned.

how can you break the trend?   how can your marriage move beyond mediocre?   how can these promises you made to each other (no matter when you made them) come alive?   how can your marriage be the best part of your life?

stop believing that experience is the best teacher…and ask for help!

Where there is no guidance the people fall,  but in abundance of counselors there is victory.   Proverbs 11:14

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,  but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.   Proverbs 12:15

get it? invite others in.   go to someone you trust.   find another couple that you admire or look up to and invite them to dinner and ask them to listen and offer help.   don’t be an idiot.   sorry to be so blunt.   but sometimes these things just need to be said.

6 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. When I see the words counselor and Marriage, I always have this image if an Old Geezer smoking a pipe telling you how him and Martha made it through 50 years. Ugg. Ever since Marriage Tuesday has started, Rotel and I talk about the topics written about once even several times a week. Sometimes we Agree with Mike and Sometimes we DON’T. One thing we have never done from a Marriage Tuesday topic is say “Well Mike said to do this” kinda pitting one theory against another.

    So I guess by saying this I know both of us believe that most likely whatever area your marriage could use a boost, there may be a younger couple that can maybe have some insight.

    Has not Mike or anyone else that talks about marriage say to start with the right foundation? Who would be better to know than maybe a marriage of under 15 years who is getting it. I’m not dumb I would not go to someone with a year under their belt. Then in turn your marriage of say 20 years may have some insight for the younger marriage. I know this goes against the grain. but hey, no one ever said it was wrong.

    Also, If someone said the only way you know you have a successful marriage is by number of anniversaries. That is not a good gauge. One of my sets of grandparents fought all the time but were married over 50 years. Yeah, that’s what I want to do, Waste all my love on arguing. The piece of paper saying you are married was just good enough for you.

  2. I think you should let Scott write a Singles Thursdays column. Man do you have any idea the potential that has?

    It is silly how many of us think that learning from experience means we have to make the stupid mistakes ourselves instead of listening to someone who has already made them. If you open your eyes and your ears you can see and hear all about them. Most of us that have made the stupid choices are more than willing to tell you about them. I guess that involves actually forging a friendship to the level of having the trust and confidence in sharing that with someone else.

  3. It’d be called “The Single Life: How to Make it 24 Years Without A Wife” and I could offer all kinds of tips on how to ensure bachelorhood…

  4. scott…i think your observation that this marriage discussion misses the mark for singles. maybe it’s time to give singlehood some equal time. i’ve got an idea…

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