Marriage Tuesday

fred smith was a businessman,  a church leader and a mentor to countless other christian leaders.   he was an author and a speaker who has passed on his wisdom and sage advice to multiple generations.   he died a couple of years ago at the age of 91.   even in his advanced age,  he was still writing and operating a web site call “breakfast with fred”…inspiring a new generation of church leaders to excellence.

i would like to grow old as he has.   here is a quote that he wrote near the end of his days:

I have learned that people are the way they are because they want to be that way.   Now, I haven’t always believed this.    In fact, when I started out in life I wanted to be a social worker and I became extremely disillusioned with people.   Now I am totally convinced that each of us is the way we are because we want to be that way.   We rationalize and give all kinds of reasons that this isn’t true,  but bottom line —you are choosing to be who you are.  When you have an opportunity to change and you don’t take it,  you are deciding to be who you are.    And, of course, when you grow through challenging yourself,  you are becoming who you want to be.   People want to be the way they are.

do you agree?  after all my years of pastoring,  counseling,  people helping,  team building and watching people become the people they are,  i am convinced that fred is right.   i realize that our sinful nature and the battle of the inner man that paul writes about in romans 7 is a profound and powerful mystery,  but this simple quote is legitimate and real.  raw… but real.

it is true of our parenting…our friendships…our marriages…our spiritual lives…everything.

you are the person you want to be.   period.   stop whining.   stop complaining.   stop wishing that you were different.   stop making excuses.   stop blaming others.   and you are one good decision away from making a change.

either you believe in the god of second chances or you don’t.

this is one of the greatest quotes…and greatest truths…of all time.


3 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. Man that is a great quote!

    I get so tired of hearing my parents made me do it. I had a bad life so that explains my stupidity. I wasn’t loved enough by my father and that’s why I hate men. My mom didn’t hug me enough and that’s why I’m a manwhore. At some point in your life you have to step up and walk your own walk. I don’t want to minimize the fact that your upbringing has an impact on your life. There is no doubt about that. But when you make a stupid choice. Your past didn’t make it for you. YOU DID! Your past is your past and the string of stupid choices YOU have made in your life is YOURS. Ultimately you will have to stand before God for your choices and you sure better come with something better than Mommy and Daddy didn’t love me enough. God doesn’t want our excuses. They are puny and fall even shorter than we did. He wants our actions. He wants to see us change our lives from the crappy pasts that we had into something that glorifies Him.

  2. I think you watered down who this guy really was.
    I completely absorb this quote. I get it. I understand it. I agree with it.
    What bothers me is when this quote is regurgitated by him or by other speakers, I can’t help but to imagine a bunch of $800 suites nodding their heads in agreement. Either at a mega-church or a Amway convention. To me or the situation I always hear Quotes in, there seems to almost always be this underlying theme on how to make more money. Then later on in the speech you get the next quote about not being greedy. So am afraid this quote goes in one ear and out the other. Just like the author described.

    And if the truth be known. I like your Bolded quote better. It speaks to me, the common man.

    If you really knew me:
    You know I hate quotes.

  3. I don’t care much for the quote, BECAUSE….. It is spot on and when I look in the mirror, it applies to me. The quote is spot on, easy to read, but not so easy to follow.

    Thanks for this one. Very Eye opening

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