i’m not a great sleeper. never have been, really. it’s worse now, though.
i don’t eat spicy food before i go to bed anymore…it’s one of the things that suck about getting old. i have a comfortable mattress. snoring is not an issue. our bedroom has three fans going at night to make it winter chilly and bring wanda some solid hot flash relief. i’ve grown accustomed to the hum of the fans…music to my ears. i don’t have incontinence problems. yet.
no…my issue is a mind that will not stop working. it is constantly in overdrive. i’m not a worrier. i’m seldom, if ever, stressed about anything. i just don’t stop thinking. i pray about the things i’m thinking about…then i go back to thinking again.
i think about important things. things that need to change. things i can’t change. things that are not right. things that need to get better. things that cause problems. things that affect my life and the lives of others. i think local. i think global. things in me. things in others.
i think about big things and little things. i’m not restricted in my thinking. sometimes, my thoughts are wild and crazy…full of reckless ideas and possibilities. it used to trouble me that the adult ADD pinball that was always working overtime in my head was dishonorable to god…because i always have trouble keeping focus during my prayer time. now, i just embrace it…offer it to god…and accept that he is present in my sanctified scatteredness.
unlike most insomniacs, i look forward to my sleepless nights…most of the time. i love the time alone. the time with god. the time to wrestle with my faith and life issues…good or bad. i love to dream at night (not the creepy kind…just the night equivalent of daydreaming). i love the anticipation of the next day…even if it’s full of things i really don’t want to do.
so i have a question for you. what keeps you up at night?