let’s face it. marriage communication isn’t always easy. the words we use can bring healing…give hope…open doors… inspire…motivate…or encourage.
words can also tear down…build walls…shut down conversation…undermine confidence…strip self-esteem…rob joy…break trust…or create despair. your choice.
as i heard someone say once, “we were born to talk; not so that we could be right, but so that we could be close”. i like that.
here are four questions that need to be…no, must be in your marriage vocabulary. words that need to come out of your mouths all the time. every day.
“i’m sorry. how can i make it right?” the offering of apologies and the grace to take responsibility to make things better is the bread and butter of relationship. never, ever, ask your partner for forgiveness. it’s not for you to ask. forgiveness is to be freely given. the same is true for apologies…as well as the offers to balance the scales.
“what do you need? i would love to help.” until we fully understand that god has designed us to submit and serve each other, there will be no lasting health in our marriages. period. finding out what our partners need and how we can help is the most basic step in growing a companionship that lasts.
“what’s on your mind? i’d love to listen.” some people love to have conversation. i definitely do! but others are not so good at it. maybe that’s you. and if it is, sorry. you need to change. you need to learn to talk and listen if you want to have a deeper marriage. and it begins with you…yes, you…initiating it with a simple what’s on your mind?
“are we seeing the biggest picture possible?” life is difficult. it only gets more complicated by sharing it with someone else. deal with it. the pressures of being married and having to make decisions is often the perfect storm for damage caused by strained emotions and overreaction. the absolute best thing we can do when we find our world squeezing in is to take a step back…take some deep breaths…and force ourselves to see things from god’s point of view.
seriously friends. start talking to each other.