i went and hung out with some guys and watched the mighty molinas play the yankees tonight at buffalo wild wings. we cheered the home team (except for luke), ate some good food, talked a lot, compared stories, made fun of people, and just connected the way guys do.
and we didn’t solve the problem of global warming.
so what’s this got to do with marriage? a lot, really. i can’t speak for women (though i suspect this all may be equally true for them, also), but guys need other guys. we need to spend time with each other. we need safe places to be ourselves, build trust and grow deeper.
we need the bond of friendship. we need other men in our lives…men who will affirm us and challenge us and listen to us and build us up and go below the surface in conversation and commitment. most men i know have very little, if any, of that kind of comradery.
in this culture, most guys grow up in world of competition and sarcasm…living lives of shallow transactions and self-centered emptiness. guys need friendships of substance. guys need to experience loyalty and meaning in their relationships.
without that kind of challenging brotherhood, our marriages will grow weak and our parenting will slowly be emptied of meaning and purpose.
here are some questions for wives: are you encouraging your husbands to dig deeper friendships with other men? are you giving your husbands the freedom to spend some time with other guys…to develop meaningful, lasting and healthy partnerships? are you over-joyed when he has other men to talk to about his life, his struggles, his faith, his fears, and his future? or do your insecurities play a role in controlling his time and ability to grow deep with other men?
for both of you: is your circle of friends widening? are you including more and more people into your inner circle? are you extending yourselves in order to serve and grow and communicate to each other…and to your children…that there is way more to life than your scrawny, protected, and under-extended calendars that only revolve around you, your money, your stuff and your world?
for men: are you seeking this kind of time with other men? are you running to…and not away from…heart-to-heart, challenging, and godly relationships with brothers?
you need it. i need it. our marriages need it. our fathering needs it.
so what’s holding you back?