i can’t help myself. my inner padre is now trying to ooze out and embrace my dallas cowboy fan friends. this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad…and getting worse by the moment…season the little wadesters are having right now is nearly causing me to lose sleep.
i feel like i need to do something. i wish i could go give wade a hug. red jesus, too. i would even be willing to share some of the pain killers i take for my knees with tony romolicious. at least a few of them.
but i realize i can’t really help the team. they are way out of my league…although if wade or jerry asked my opinion, i think i could get the little wadesters back on track right away. no…i think the main help i can be is for the wadester nation…the throngs cow faithful that expected so much, only to be let down so hard.
first off, let me point you to a previous post that helped all of you rangerettes (both longsuffering and bandwagoners) make it through the last week of the regular season…and catapulted you into the playoffs and now, to the big kahuna of pro baseball: the world series. i’m sure without my sage wisdom and timely padre advice, many of you would have ended your lives long before you reached the promised land. no thanks is necessary. you are my friends.
here’s the link, in case you need it. there are many you that share dual citizenship in wadesterville and washingtonia… so you will understand the commonalities of advice to both your locations: HERE’S THE LINK.
secondly, let me give you ten reasons not to fret. ten reasons to be hopeful for the future. ten reasons to have confidence that your boys will soon be back on top:
- you have the best stadium. the deathstar has no equal…no rival…no competition. the best stadium deserves the best team.
- wade will be gone. although this will make me personally very, very sad, i think most of you will be throwing the party you wished you had gone to in 1999. we will need to rename the team, though. no more little wadesters… a name i am fond of. what do you think about the little chuckies? how about red jesus’ disciples? just thinking…
- the ghost of tom landry. it’s a new stadium, but the ghost is there. the hat will be back.
- if this season keeps going south, you stand a great chance of getting the #1 pick in the draft. andrew luck out of stanford is projected to be better than bradford at qb. things are looking up already.
- the local sports talking heads are going to run out of negative things to say. they have to. the spewing will end eventually and the good, positive energy will start flowing. it’s happened before. it will happen again.
- after the rangers win the series, jerry’s narcissistic ego will be ready to explode. his need to be center stage will be all-consuming and he will personally drag the team up to the championship podium. yes, he has that kind of power.
- i’ve heard jimmy is thinking about a comeback.
- this is texas!! football is ours! nobody has more of a right…nobody is more deserving…nobody gets to claim it as the national pastime…but texas! the balance of nature will continue to be thrown off-center until the cowboys are back on top. the economy will not be balanced. the problem of global warming will not be solved. free-range dolphins will continue to be plagued. jack bauer will not return. weeds will still ravage my front lawn. all of this…and more…will be with us like the ten plagues in egypt…until jerry’s boys reign again. it has to be soon.
- T.O.’s gone…dave campo has the coolest hair around…your still america’s team…brett favre will surely retire this year…the chargers obviously pose no threat…the jumbotron is freakin’ awesome (yeah, i said it!)…parity, parity, parity…TU might be down for a while…it’s almost been 20 years…
- the momentum that is being generated by the mighty molina’s will linger long after the baseball season is over and the aroma of championship will be so intoxicating here in the great state…well, let’s just say i can already see jerry’s big ol’ smile shining from arlington. here’s to 2011!
from my inner padre to yours…