You and me…

some,  maybe even most,  of you know that i have a curious love-hate affair with the role of the pastor.   i believe that some of the modern pastor’s role in the church is biblical,  but i’m pretty convinced that a lot of it…maybe even the majority of it…is more cultural.

some of it is even a blatant disregard of scripture.

one of the things i struggle with the most is the inference that a pastor,  by virtue of his calling,  is somehow different than other people…that the pastor is the modern-day equivalent of the old testament priest,  a holy man who is spiritually superior to the masses and automatically closer to god.

i won’t speak for other men who wear the title of “pastor” in their churches,  but i will speak for myself.   it’s important to me that you know and accept that i put my pants on one let at a time…just like you do.   that means you might be surprised to know:

the temptations you face…i face and struggle with also…

i don’t have all the answers…and i’m really ok with it.

i have some serious attention problems…the older i get,  the more i struggle.

i think a lot of the things we do in the church are pretty cheesy…and boring.

writing sermons does not come naturally for me…nor does public speaking.

sometimes i preach things that i still have questions about…but believe by faith.

just because i preach it,  doesn’t mean i’ve mastered it.

sustained prayer is a killer for me…my attention problem often gets the best of me.

there are times i’m overwhelmed by the needs i’m surrounded by…and feel like giving up.

there are some days i don’t read my bible…and whole seasons where my reading is dry.

i really try to be the exact same person on sundays that i am at home.

i’m often pre-occupied and forgetful…especially on sundays.   i need reminders.

following jesus still frightens me.   surrendering my all is a constant battle.

there’s not enough time in my schedule to do everything i want to get done…and it frustrates me.

i think the church comes off as incredibly hypocritical and judgmental most of the time…and i’m pretty embarrassed about it.

i’m not afraid of dying, but i want to run from sadness.

i forgive others freely,  but sometimes don’t know how to forgive myself.

can you relate?  i hope so…

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