Marriage Tuesday

here are five more mistakes we make in our marriages…things we do or habits we cultivate that undermine the commitments we make.

have any of these crept their way into your relationships?

1.  teasing…the hurtful kind – i know i hang around a lot of people who are deeply skilled in the art of sarcasm and quick wit.   we even have a joke around north point that if you don’t have thick skin,  you might not make it around here.   (i can’t say i’m proud of that reputation. there is definitely a need for another blog post on this topic!). anyway, when it comes to our marriages,  teasing can be deadly.   i happen to be one of those people who believe that,  no matter what,  there is always some truth behind our teasing.   and our spouses know it! teasing runs the risk of quietly leaving painful scars and permanently undermining confidence.

2.   dishonesty – there is really nothing more damaging in our relationships  than broken trust.   when we strip marriage down to its essence,  the only thing we really offer to our spouse is our word…our promise that we can be believed and our pledges of commitment are solid.   when we lie…no matter how big or small…we chip away at the foundation that everything is built on.   lying weakens our bond.   dishonesty rips the fabric in ways that are virtually impossible to fix.   there is power and assurance in truth.

3.   being annoying – in premarriage counseling,  i usually ask couples to make a list of 15-20 things that “bug” them about each other.   things that irritate,  frustrate,  upset or aggravate.   they hate doing this!   “we love each other.”   “love is blind.” baloney.   we’re human and we do things that can be incredibly selfish.   we might even think some of them are funny and our spouses should be amused by what we do.   think twice.   according to the apostle paul,  love is never rude or self-seeking. never.

4.   while we’re talking about it…selfishness – i suppose this one should go without being said,  but when it comes to living unselfishly,  we are miserable failures.   all of us.   self-centeredness is our middle name.   i can honestly tell you that every marriage…and i mean every marriage…that i have seen implode and end in divorce or bland emptiness has ended up that way because of the selfishness of one or both partners.   consider this your warning.

5. greediness – greed is the excessive desire to possess more than we need or deserve…especially regarding wealth.   one of these days,  we’ll spend some time on marriage tuesday with a discussion of the love of money and the unique stress it brings to a marriage…but for now,  i’ll just say that this uncontrolled need for more is a one-way street headed to the edge of a cliff.   and you better get it under control.

five more next week.

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3 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. I learned along time ago that Terri does not know when I am kidding and when I am serious so the sarcasm button on her has not been pressed in about 20 yrs. Otherwise it took too long to explain myself. As our marriage has grown and matured either we have improved knowing each other or not worried as much; co existing is NOT a bad thing; we love each other and we each have areas the other is just not interested in. We know another couple that even after 20 yrs they walk either holding hands or arms wrapped around each other. My arms have not grown in proportion to my girth so the arm walking around each other amounts to a awkward 70’s version of “da bump”; walking hand and hand? I still have not figured out the correct grip :interlaced fingers, palm over hers, palm under hers, leading or following.

    PS Mike if you notice a brand new pair of black size 11 Reebocks near you soda stand/china hutch they be mine

  2. You know that thing that you can do to your voice when you answer someone back that with out saying it you have just called them a Moron, idiot, dork, etc all in the same breath. Well, when my daughter started getting that sarcastic sound in her voice it was time to change my ways. Man, it takes lot to break an awful habit.
    Dang kids, why do they pick up on everything?

  3. Okay, already I’m guilty of sarcasm and the slight of hand joke… I really try to be very light with it though and not hurt. There was a time when I was the brunt of the hurting sarcasm and I know without a doubt that he was being awful under the guise of sarcasm. That has since resolved, but I do try to pay attention to what I’m saying now.

    Richard there is no correct grip, just the affection with the touch is fine. Just holding pinkies is even good. 🙂

    Brandon.. yeah I got nothing for you… good luck on that. Silly kids. My kids unfortunately picked up the “ya think” with a tone from their dad. I of course was the perfect angel mom and gave them nothing bad…. Don’t stand too close or the lightning might strike.

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