Marriage Tuesday

here are five more mistakes we make in our marriages…things we do or habits we cultivate that undermine the commitments we make.

have any of these crept their way into your relationships?

1.    being a martyr – in professional counseling circles we call this passive-aggressive behavior.   for crying out loud,  if you’re going to do a dirty job or an act of service or an expression of selflessness,  do it with a humble and joyful heart…not a manipulative,  deceptive “woe is me”. it rips the fabric of trust in a relationship.

2.   talking more to others than to your spouse – horrible mistake.   look,  sometimes it’s easier to talk to friends,  co-workers,  teammates or other family members than it is to the one we are married to.   i get it.   but you have to make conversation with your spouse your highest priority.   anything less will undermine the foundation you’re building on.

3.   unchecked jealousy – jealousy is something we all struggle with.   in my experience,  it’s where we show the most human of our human nature.   but jealousy may also be the most damning and controlling of the vices we are commanded to strip from our lives.   if there is any jealousy in your heart,  face it and deal with it. now.

4.   stonewalling – or better known as the silent treatment. this is a deadly manuever.   it wastes time.    it raises doubt.   it erodes confidence.   it’s manipulative and a close cousin to passive-aggressive. there is a time and place to bite our tongues and be slow to speak.   but that’s a far cry from the unhealthiness of angry or hurt silence.

5.   taking your spouse for granted – once the honeymoon is over,  many couples settle into the mundane routine of living together.   roles are defined.   behaviors become predictable.   the things that drew you to your partner become faded memories.   don’t let this sad commentary be written about your marriage.   learn to make the most of your moments and your times with each other.

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8 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. ahhhh stonewalling, that one is my favorite. Very aggravating in a relationship. Being taken for granted. Definitely all problems. Seen them all. Oh wait, you mean in my own marriage…? .hahahahah yeah, we’re not perfect.

  2. In the all of 3 months we’ve been married, we’ve perfected stonewalling. Now, don’t be overly impressed…its not like it wasn’t perfected in each of us long before we met each other. But its hard to navigate I think. You don’t want to yell, or say hurtful things. But sometimes when you’re mad, hurtful things are the only things that want to escape your mouth, so you keep your mouth shut. What’s the solution to that cycle?

    I would guess that NOT getting married and building a house in the same 3 months is probably one solution, but we’re way past that now….

  3. Erin…Erin…Erin,
    Just wait, you still have not gone through the gauntlet.
    Ask Jason, Liz, Rotel or me about staying with the in-laws during the completion of your home.
    Then get asked every day, every hour;
    “Why are you building a house these days”
    “That house sure seems expensive”
    “They are taking too long to build your house”
    “You should stay on top of them”
    “If I was you….”
    This will be one of the best tests of your marriage.
    You have to become one together at the same time remember where you live. And if you are a Mamma’s boy or Daddy’s girl, well, this will be one of the best ways to learn if you are together or you let outside influence leak into your marriage. It is a great battle. I think all marriages should go through.
    It will put hair on your marriage chest.
    May God have mercy on your soul.

    As for the the above topics. I think our marriage has the challenges of Martyr.

  4. I don’t want a hairy marriage chest.

    We’re going to need major moral support from you guys I think.

    And it’s already been “fun”. My favorite so far is some form of “you can do whatever you want, but this is my house, so….”

    And then poor Chris is stuck between his mother and his wife.

    I’m kind of glad the house will be done soon….

  5. and my behavior is anything BUT predictable!!! well in some cases. I do keep him on his toes. hahahah..

    Brandon, I don’t think I’ll ever have to go through that test, thank you very much. We both have cut ties with our own mothers for the most part (that’s a sermon in itself), and kids are raised (thank goodness I did that totally wrong) and … hair on the marriage chest.. I love it too.

  6. This post makes me think that we need to have a small group of couples who come together to talk about marriage. It would be awesome to have couples from different stages of life and lengths of marriage. I think we’d have something to learn from each other.

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