have any of these crept their way into your relationships?
1. being a martyr – in professional counseling circles we call this passive-aggressive behavior. for crying out loud, if you’re going to do a dirty job or an act of service or an expression of selflessness, do it with a humble and joyful heart…not a manipulative, deceptive “woe is me”. it rips the fabric of trust in a relationship.
2. talking more to others than to your spouse – horrible mistake. look, sometimes it’s easier to talk to friends, co-workers, teammates or other family members than it is to the one we are married to. i get it. but you have to make conversation with your spouse your highest priority. anything less will undermine the foundation you’re building on.
3. unchecked jealousy – jealousy is something we all struggle with. in my experience, it’s where we show the most human of our human nature. but jealousy may also be the most damning and controlling of the vices we are commanded to strip from our lives. if there is any jealousy in your heart, face it and deal with it. now.
4. stonewalling – or better known as the silent treatment. this is a deadly manuever. it wastes time. it raises doubt. it erodes confidence. it’s manipulative and a close cousin to passive-aggressive. there is a time and place to bite our tongues and be slow to speak. but that’s a far cry from the unhealthiness of angry or hurt silence.
5. taking your spouse for granted – once the honeymoon is over, many couples settle into the mundane routine of living together. roles are defined. behaviors become predictable. the things that drew you to your partner become faded memories. don’t let this sad commentary be written about your marriage. learn to make the most of your moments and your times with each other.