Marriage Tuesday

this is not the first time you’ve heard of something like this.   sadly,  it won’t be the last.   a  kansas city newspaper is reporting about what’s going on at a church in the area:

KANSAS CITY, Missouri – A Johnson County pastor wants local couples to show more love this Valentine’s season.

Pastor Timmy Gibson of Mercy Church, in Prairie Village, issued his annual “Hanky Panky Challenge” for the month of February.

Gibson is challenging all married couples to have sex every day in honor of Valentine’s Day.

The pastor believes this will help create more intimacy in the relationship.

This is the sixth year the pastor has created this challenge to the public.

really?   this.   again?

at the risk of a major TMI…and a loud,  resounding “ewwww” from my son,  corey…i’m going to state what should be obvious to everyone who knows us:  wanda and i still have sex.   i state this simply for credibility.   we are no prudes.   everything still works the way god intended.   sex is still,  as it always has been,  a really fun part of our relationship.   wanda is still blushing…

so don’t misunderstand what i’m going to say.

i’m really tired of pastors and churches doing these 28-day sex challenges  (or seven days or whatever…).   here’s why:

first,  it smells like marketing.   it smells like a cheap way to get some press for their churches.   everybody knows that sex sells.   look,   i’m not against marketing.   i’m still trying to get nike to sponsor north point.   (they sponsor everybody else…and i think a nike swoosh would look totally sweet in the NP lobby…).   no,  what bugs me is that pastors are setting up couples…especially wives…for failure,  at the expense of hip promo.

second,  why do we never hear women leaders calling for the same challenge?   this just seems like another way for men to exert their power and influence over women.   and since we all know that the pastor “dudes” are the anointed spokesmen for god,  who are we to challenge this sanctified message from the almighty for more sex?

third,  for all of the studies and insight we have into the depth and complexities of male-female relationships,  you would think pastors,  of all people,  would show some sensitivity to the fact that we are all different…and we all function different in our relationships.   it appears,  on the most basic levels, that women might have slightly different needs than men…and most men might have some different needs than women.   and each might have a different path to sexual and emotional fulfillment than the other.   not to mention,  that women are different from other women…and not all men have just one thing on their minds (with all due respect to the crap that dr. laura spewed a few years back).

finally,  here’s what i think about the intimacy thing.   are these people idiots,  or what?   you don’t have sex to create intimacy. sex is a by-product of healthy intimacy.   intimacy is about talking and listening.   it’s about soul connection.   it’s about serving and laughing and dreaming and forgiving and understanding.   intimacy happens in the intellect…in our emotions…in our spirits…long before it can ever happen physically.   if its real intimacy.

maybe our marriages would be a whole lot better off if we would make…and keep…a  challenge to have deep and meaningful conversation…not sex…every day for 28 days.

i think i’m going to call fox news…


12 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. Please don’t call Fox News, Having Glenn Beck on their roster of “talent” is good enough reason to avoid that channel…

  2. As I was reading your post, I was thinking, “Well, we’re definitely not hearing anyone calling for 28 days of intimate conversation…” THEN YOU SAID IT!

    I say you go for it…I’ll even find Fox News’ number for you if you want.

  3. Very well said…I completely agree with you! I wish your thoughts WOULD make the news…. Now that would be a breath of fresh air!

  4. The longer I am married the less this topic makes me squirm. In fact I really don’t squirm at all. I think it’s great that Mike’s relationship is strong enough to say what’s up. I feel like I have nothing to hide. Not that me or my wife talk about bedroom antics, but that we fully acknowledge sex is part of our relationship.

    I begin to wonder quickly when my married friends don’t say too much about the topic. Doesn’t this reek of something wrong? Not all the time, but it seems a good place to start. What are you hiding? Your secret websites? The reality TV show? The trashy Novel? The Hostess\host at your usual lunch restaurant? If you are into making friendships and you happen to be the mature one on this subject it could come up in a serious way and you better be packing.

    I can see a side of being with your spouse for 28 days. From the pure sex side of it, you or your spouse would not need the other outlets to satisfy your urges. Again, it doesn’t to heal the problem.

    I can see as a marriage ages, you could just forget about doing it. Maybe the intimate conversation is there but there was nothing in the wedding vowels said we agreed to stop have sex at the same time. Something tells me there are some spouses being nice and taking one for the team, while eroding on the inside. A relationship I don’t want to non-communicate my way into.

  5. I know I’m a day late and a dollar short on this topic.. I’m out of town, shoot me. Anyway, I don’t think being REQUIRED to have sex for 28 days straight is going to increase our intimacy, it will seem more like WORK. I have enough WORK to do (house, work, I would say kids, but you guys all know that all mine are out of the house, so I can’t go there), but no, don’t make me have sex. Our sex lives are good, no need to force it. and Mike… EWWWWW don’t remind me. It’s almost like saying my parents have sex… lol.

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