i was reading on christian marriage counseling website recently. honestly, it’s not the greatest site i’ve ever been on. or maybe there’s a cultural difference (it’s based in great britain). but the author’s apparently did an extensive survey and came up with lists of the top five needs of men and women. here they are:
top five needs of women
- the three “A’s” – affection, attention, affirmation
- honesty and openness
- financial support
- family commitment
top five needs of men
- sexual fulfillment
- recreational company
- attractive spouse
- domestic support (someone to keep the house clean, i think)
- admiration and respect
here’s one, large general observation (in the form of questions) i’ll make about these lists: are men in england really this neanderthal? are they really this shallow?
here’s one, large specific observation (in the form of a question) i’ll make about these lists: are men here in the states all that different?
do you look at the list of men’s needs and see a common thread? do you see anything that looks or sounds like character, or values, or depth, or mutuality?
after watching all the testesterone-packed commercials during the superbowl…along with some vintage mike myers-dana carvey skits on SNL this past saturday night…and a mere one day of post-superbowl commentary on local sports talk radio…i’m pretty well convinced that men in our culture haven’t crawled too far out of the caves we were in a few thousand years ago.
where are the men who crave conversation? where are the men who desire openness and honesty? where are the men who can temper sexual fulfillment with companionship (and not just somebody they can thump in racquetball)? where are the men who will see beauty as not just skin deep?
these lists may be true of the core of the culture we live in.
but followers of christ have always be counter-culture. why would we not be that way in our marriages, also?