Marriage Tuesday

i was reading on christian marriage counseling website recently.   honestly,  it’s not the greatest site i’ve ever been on.   or maybe there’s a cultural difference (it’s based in great britain).   but the author’s apparently did an extensive survey and came up with lists of the top five needs of men and women.   here they are:

top five needs of women

  1. the three “A’s” – affection,  attention,  affirmation
  2. conversation
  3. honesty and openness
  4. financial support
  5. family commitment

top five needs of men

  1. sexual fulfillment
  2. recreational company
  3. attractive spouse
  4. domestic support (someone to keep the house clean,  i think)
  5. admiration and respect

here’s one,  large  general observation (in the form of questions)  i’ll make about these lists:   are men in england really this neanderthal?   are they really this shallow?

here’s one,  large specific observation  (in the form of a question)  i’ll make about these lists: are men here in the states all that different?

do you look at the list of men’s needs and see a common thread?   do you see anything that looks or sounds like character,  or values,  or depth,  or mutuality?

after watching all the testesterone-packed commercials during the superbowl…along with some vintage mike myers-dana carvey skits on SNL this past saturday night…and a mere one day of post-superbowl commentary on local sports talk radio…i’m pretty well convinced that men in our culture haven’t crawled too far out of the caves we were in  a few thousand years ago.

where are the men who crave conversation?   where are the men who desire openness and honesty?   where are the men who can temper sexual fulfillment with companionship  (and not just somebody they can thump in racquetball)?   where are the men who will see beauty as not just skin deep?

these lists may be true of the core of the culture we live in.

but followers of christ have always be counter-culture. why would we not be that way in our marriages,  also?

3 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. Ok. The guys list, I believe there is only one need. Sex.

    I would have bought the top 5 needs of women if this survey was pre 80s.

    I tried looking up where this survey is and can’t find it. I want to know more. Face value is not enough.

    If I surveyed a church or even our church, I bet the women would punk out and give the company line.

    Something tells me the woman’s needs list leans more toward the masculine than we may think. Hey, this is no knock on the girlie list. It’s a good list I just have a hard time believing the data, Today.

    I know a few woosies that will not stand equally beside their partner in time of decisions. I bet the bride would love to have her husband match the height of her pulled up pants.

    How boring would life be if women got their 5 needs and men got theirs?

  2. This is an old list. I heard it used in a sermon during the 90’s, so I must assume it’s an attempt to make universal statements about the nature of the male and female psyche.
    My view? I think we all want to be known for who we really are and know we’re still loved. But what do I know?

  3. Can I take the top one of the women’s and then keep the men’s list? I will admit to the first one on the women’s list, but yeah…. I’m a slacker on needing financial support since it seems that I’m the supporter… yeah, Brandon, leave that one alone. Sorry for the late comment, thought I had already read and commented on this, but as usual I’m slacking. Been an interesting week.

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