there are some marriages that experience more conflict than others. i think it has less to do with the actual points of conflict, than it does the make-up and life experience of the conflicters. i think i just made up a word…
wanda and i haven’t had a great deal of conflict over the course of our 36 years…plus five years of dating. i’ve done enough stupid stuff to warrant conflict, but wanda’s character and personality limits the conflict. also, somewhere in my experience or emotional framework, i ended up with a lot of patience.
the end product? neither one of us is a fighter. both of us are talkers. we treasure peace.
but not everybody is like us. in fact, most people aren’t. the majority of people i have known are more inclined to show anger and frustration…both personally and in their closest relationships. and most marriages need help when it comes to conflict.
i read an article this week entitled, fight fair! six simple conflict resolution skills for your marriage. it’s definitely worth reading, but here’s the condensed version:
face each other – turn off the TV…go behind closed doors…look each other in the eyes…and give yourself wholeheartedly to the conflict. your partner deserves everything you’ve got to give.
ignore distractions – keep the issue on the topic at hand. avoid raising side issues. don’t complicate things.
guard your tongue – no name calling. no hitting below the belt. nothing hurtful. no personal attacks.
hold the history – don’t bring up the past. its gone. hopefully it’s already been forgiven.
touch – sit close. hold hands.
stay in there – finish the fight. don’t go to bed angry. force closure.
good suggestions. do you have more? have you learned in skills in your years of marriage?