Marriage Tuesday

it amazes me how many couples claim to be followers of christ, but ignore the truth and genius of god’s word when it comes to their relationship.

instead,  they rely on their own experience or intuition…trusting the subjectivity of their own feelings,  over the objective wisdom found in the writings of king solomon or the new testament apostles.

it’s astounding to me how many people these days can read  yes or no…do or don’t…black or white…in the bible,  but refuse to obey…opting for the selfishness and arrogance of a personal interpretation of  maybe…it’ll be okay…close enough…or whatever.

here are two passages that have nothing directly to do with marriage,  but speak volumes to the epidemic of marriage and relationship crisis i see everyday:

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?  By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?   Romans 6:1-2

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.   James 4:1-2

here are two marriage lessons from these passages…

first, stop convincing yourself that it’s okay to disobey god…to disobey scripture…to twist the meaning and application of truth…by telling yourself that god will forgive you.   just stop it.   it’s embarrassing and offensive to the holiness and justice of god.   not to mention the long-term,  deep erosion of your character and relationship that comes from such blatant disregard for god’s laws.

second, stop blaming your partner for the fighting and conflict you are having.   james clearly writes that the conflict you are having is coming from within you…the desires and selfishness and pride and arrogance that you carry inside of you. stop looking elsewhere,  and start looking inward if you really want to tackle the problems you are facing.

so simple.   so clear.

so what are you going to do with it?

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4 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. This post resonates with me for a couple of reasons. The first is that I’m (still) watching my parent’s story unfold…and seeing how sins that are decades old have literally destroyed their lives. Sure, there were new sins stacked on top of old sins as time went on…but I am amazed when I see DIRECT results NOW of things that happened 30 years ago. There isn’t time or space for me to tell the story…and I’m not sure that I could anyway…but I also feel that I have some responsibility to pass on what I’m seeing and experiencing, because I never want it to happen to anyone else. I have been witness to the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial RUIN of two people, and the incredibly wide circle of shrapnel surrounding them that continues to haunt those caught close by – all because of sin.

    The second reason this post grabs me, is because I know that the majority of conflict in our marriage is my fault. Large or small, it is nearly always the result of something I can’t, didn’t, wouldn’t, or STILL won’t deal with in my life. Something physical, emotional, spiritual…whatever…that I am dealing with that I chose to take out on Chris instead of…well…dealing with it. Or maybe it’s not even that I take it out on him, but that it effects my life and my actions in a way that also effects his. A sin. A fear. A bad habit. Pain. Selfishness. And I see that in me…and I see the empty shells of my parents…and I don’t want to be them.
    So I guess the answer has to be obedience (I hate that!). Obedience to confess, to change, to talk, to listen, to act or not act, to submit, to love…
    I think if I really love God, then I can really love Chris. I don’t think I have the power to chose love on my own. But I know that if I CAN chose love and obedience, through the power of Christ, I can be Christ’s child….and not my parent’s sick creation…and I won’t have to worry about becoming them.

    *Side note – I’m totally not trying to place the blame for my life on my parents. I’m just trying to be diligent in my observations, in the hopes that I can avoid their rather dramatic fate, and become what God designed me to be, through His mercy. 🙂

  2. It’s interesting the last two weeks parents have come up.

    How much are they really in the marriage equation? Should they be? Are they directly, like being involved to the point of choking a marriage. Or indirectly as Erin describes above. What if you are taking care of your parent/s?

    I am not trying to get off topic but prolly a good one for another day. There always seems to be this “Fifth” Beatle out there that we don’t talk about.

    I know it’s me that brings good ammunition for fighting with my spouse from my childhood.

    Hmm, yeah stopping that freight train isn’t so easy. But I know I can’t take out my past on others including my spouse, ever. I think it may be the only ME task in our marriage.

  3. Every marriage issue Liz and I have can always be traced back to some sort of selfishness. We disagree about things to do because we want to do what WE want to do. We disagree about money because we want to spend the money the way WE want to spend the money. The list goes on, but I think you get the picture. One of my favorite pseudo-apologies these days is “I just need to get over myself.” it tends to work.

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