Marriage Tuesday

hey!   there’s a new dating service for christians!  it’s called christian mingle.

i’m glad i don’t have to date.   i would be horrible at it.   frankly the thought of it just frightens me.   i’ve only asked one girl out on a date in my life.   then i married her.   i suppose you could say i was a success at dating.

in spite of my novice stature as a dater,  i can confidently tell you that if i had some dating eligibility,  i would be all over a dating service.   they sound pretty cool to me.   i know some people have a moral problem with them.   others can site some practical potholes in the systems.   but i,  for one,  see them full of amazing potential.

but i do have a problem with christian mingle.   it’s not because i’m old fashioned…or that i don’t believe god can bring people together with this service.   no…i have a theological problem.

with the company’s tag line:   christian mingle.  find god’s match for you.

this isn’t necessarily just a problem with the dating service.   it’s more of an overall theological wrestling match that i seem to have most everyday of my life.

if finding god’s match for your life is such an important thing   (and we christians have this tendency to say that our marriage decision may be the single most important decision we will ever make in our lifetime),  why does god seem to play games with us?

if god is in the business of matching people up because that’s what he wants to happen…and it’s so incredibly important,  why does he mess around with it?   isn’t he powerful enough to make it happen?    why doesn’t he just snap his fingers?   does god really need this service to help him out?

the inference is that god has this person out there for me… and he is just playing a little hide and seek .   seems confusing.   seems cruel.   seems disingenuous.   seems sneaky.   seems manipulative.

and while we’re on this theological wrestling mat,  how does christian mingle  know that you can find god’s match for you by using their service.   how would they know?   how would you know?   maybe i’m just a little cynical,  but it sure seems like christian organizations are pretty fond of using god talk  to spiritually bully needy people.

so let’s go over this to be sure i’m not misunderstood:   i’m all for you dating…as long as you’re not married.   i’m all for you using a dating service.   i’m all for you not using a dating service.   whatever.

i’ve always been a little sketchy on whether god has a particular person out there waiting to be matched up with the right person over there.   what if you miss the divine hook-up because you ducked into mcdonald’s at just the wrong time?   what if you sign up for the wrong dating service and end up messing the whole thing to pieces?

i know the mystical part of finding the will of god for your life sounds really romantic,  but maybe good marriages are more about being the right person,  than finding the right person.


19 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. Mike, I think you are opening Pandora’s box.
    i’ve always been a little sketchy on whether god has a particular person out there waiting to be matched up with the right person over there.

    So by that same rationale, Does God play a hide and seek game with a right Job, kids, church, bank account, relatives, neighbors, etc. I didn’t think so.

    So can God really “Call” you somewhere? Do you miss the U.S.S. Faith when you end up going in a different direction? Will you be any less blessed when on a different path? Or if you are walking with God, are you blessed 100% where ever you are or situation? Is there such thing as half a blessing?

  2. If God has a plan for us. If He has a calling and all our lives are laid out for us our soul mate, our job “He wants us to have”, our children, our blessing and our falls. If the script is written and He has the beginning and the end predetermined.

    Then where is the free choice in that?

    If it is planned out and scripted then what is the point of it?

    Are we the equivalent of God’s Gomer Pyle and Happy Days? He knows the story and knows the ending but allows us to exist simply to amuse Him with our stupid choices and inadequate actions.

  3. Let’s put this on a different path. Instead of asking about God’s will can we ask God what our purpose is? What are we designed to do? The list becomes easier and less stressful. I know I wasn’t designed to be a plumber nor a mechanic but I am designed to love God. I wasn’t designed to be a singer or a muscians but I am designed to love God’s creation. I believe we are designed to be married. I believe we are designed to serve the “Body”. I believe we are designed to enjoy the wonders of being a parent.

    But here’s the fun part: I prayed only once in my life about a future spouse. I asked God for a red head who enjoyed baseball and understood asian culture and like to eat (kimchee included). And I got soooo much more. So while I may not believe Nicole was the only person for me, I can’t imagine anyone better.

  4. “So while I may not believe Nicole was the only person for me”…

    I think he slammed his wife and praised her at the same time.

    I think it’s interesting that I never prayed for a wife. I never wore a goofy promise ring. But now I thank God everyday for Rotel.

  5. Paul Watts, enjoying your blogs and actually sharing them with others that I think could benefit. I.e. Mike Darby, John Adair. and some others you don’t know. I just noticed one of the blogs you read, Mark Batterson, married our pastors daughter Laura, who I had both in my Sunday School class for 5th graders eons ago. Just thought you may like to know. Keep up the good work, and did you know who the guy was who fello at the Rangers game and died a few days ago? Just curious?

    1. Paul, it’s always good to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement. Mark Batterson is one of my favorite pastor/authors to read. I admire his church plant in DC. Small world, isn’t it? The guy dying at the Ranger game was tragic. There’s still a sadness all around Dallas because of it.

      1. It’s a really small world. My new Cousin-in-law of 5 months, works for the Brownwood Fire dept. Its good to know Brownwood has wrapped their arms around the family. FYI this is the second fireman they have lost in the past year.

  6. So Mike do most people when they sit in front of you trying to convince you they are ready for marriage tell you that He/She is who God wants them to marry? If so and it doesn’t work out is that His, Hers or God’s fault?

  7. most are not only convinced god wants them to get married, but they also use that rationale to try and convince me. call me a spiritual scrooge, but when sappy love gets mixed with mystical theology, it’s pretty much all over…

      1. the more difficult question to answer is this: if you’re already having sex, is it better to get married and have sex or not to be married and have sex?

  8. Much better post this time Channing!

    BA let Rotel proof-read your next post. I’m shaking just thinking about it. You can send me the BA unfiltered version.

    Its pretty sad how we can justify things in our lives and say its what God would want. Doesn’t matter if its love, marriage or sin. We can always find someway to explain it and we can throw a couple of feel good Christians words on the end of it and we feel just fine going headfirst into our lives of twisted faith that we’ve convinced ourselves “He wants for us”.

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