Letters to Holden and Nolan

dear peanut and pickle,

there’s a saying that goes like this:

“you will never love your parents as much as they love you.”

i don’t like admitting this,  but i grew up a pretty self-centered kid.   because i didn’t have any brothers or sisters,  i got a lot of attention from my parents and i definitely didn’t think a lot about how much they loved me.   i knew they did…but it just wasn’t much of a big deal.

i sure think about it differently now.   i wish i could go back and talk to my mom and dad again.   there are some things i would love to tell them now that i’m all grown up.   i had no idea how much they really loved.   not at all.

when i became a dad,  it all changed for me.

i didn’t know i could love someone the way i loved your daddy.   someday,  he will love you guys the same way.   oh,  he loves you more than you know right now…but that love is going to grow and grow and grow the older you get.

your daddy has done some amazing things throughout his life.   things i am so proud of…well,  let’s just say i can barely keep from writing about them right now.   but that’s not where the love grew the most.

no.   it’s was through the tough times…when he was afraid…when he got hurt…when he failed…when he felt alone… when he felt like he had no hope… when he took risks… when he made mistakes…that’s when my love grew in ways he didn’t understand.

he couldn’t.   he wasn’t a daddy yet.   but he has you guys now.

i know it’s hard to imagine,  but i’ve dried your daddy’s tears.   i’ve helped him find courage.   i’ve prayed for him and dreamed with him and encouraged him and cried for him and taught him.   i still get to do some of those things every now and then.

…and he will probably never love me as much as love him.   i’m his dad.

the older you guys get,  the more things your daddy will experience with you.   and the more he helps you and cries for you and teaches you and prays for you and holds you and gives himself to you…the more and more he will learn to love you.

…and you guys will probably never love him as much as he loves you.   he’s your dad.

you may get angry with him.   you may think you’re smarter than he is.   you may get annoyed because he always wants to be around you.   you may disagree with him.   you may ignore him or even try to talk back to him  (though i wouldn’t recommend that!).

but i promise… he will never stop loving you.   he’s your dad.

…and don’t ever stop loving him back.

(there’s a lot to say about how much your mommy loves you,  too.   i’ll get to that in a couple of days. )

grow wise,  grasshoppers.

papi

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One thought on “Letters to Holden and Nolan

  1. I hope the two boys get a chance to one day read this post. Very inspiring/encouraging and insightful information.
    Very well-written Mr. Padre Fan

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