when i was a young youth minister, i felt like it was my responsibility to make sure the kids i baptized stayed faithful to their commitment. when a kid walked away from the promises they made to god, i felt like a failure. i wanted to make sure that if i baptized them, they would stay the course.
as i grew older, i began to understand this was just another example of my own personal messiah complex.
nowadays, although it makes me sad, i no longer assume the blame for the choices kids make. whether they hold true to the decision they make to follow jesus is on them, not me. (or on god, if you are one of my reformed bros…)
the same has been true for marriages i performed. i used to take it pretty hard when couples that i married broke up. like it was due to something i had done wrong. i no longer feel that way. the success or failure of their marriage is on them, not me.
i will always do everything i can to help people have the strongest and healthiest marriage possible…both before and after the ceremony. but i can only give suggestions. the decisions to follow through are on the couple.
and just like i said yesterday, your marriage is as good and healthy and deep and loving as you want it to be.
stop making excuses.
stop blaming your partner.
stop holding on to past destructive behaviors or baggage from your upbringing.
you say you want a better marriage? prove it.