Marriage Tuesday

Marriage Tuesday 2please don’t dismiss this quickly.  it’s a simple principle that is violated all the time…in most every marriage.

you can’t have a healthy marriage when one of you is not healthy.  and if that isn’t simple enough, here’s another truth that’s even simpler:   you can’t make another person “healthy”.  you can only be responsible for yourself.

you want to have a healthier marriage?  get healthy.

you want to have a deeper marriage?  get deeper.

you want to have a marriage that is more godly?  be godly.

you want to have a happier marriage?  be happier.

you want to have peace in your marriage?  be peaceful.

you want your marriage to be more loving?  learn to love better.

you want your marriage to have less stress?  be less stressful.

you want to have better communication in your marriage?  be a better communicator.

should i go on?

i talk to couples all the time and all the time, they tell me they want a better marriage.  when i ask them what they are doing to make their marriage better, i usually get blank stares.

“that’s why we’re coming to you!”

that’s a good start, but here’s the reality:  i can’t do anything to make your marriage better.  and neither can you.  in fact, neither can your partner.  but you can make yourself better.  (well, not exactly.  but you can take some responsibility for the person you are!)

get a medical check up.  face your fears.  deal with your past.  read a book.  talk to a trusted friend and be honest about yourself for once.  go on a diet…i mean a “food management program”.  start walking.  read your bible.  get in a small accountability group.  get some counseling.  confront your depression.  stop drinking.  quit flirting at the office.  start coming back to church.  give some money away instead of buying things to make yourself feel better.  go to bed earlier.  put yourself in a position to hear the voice of god…instead of running.  slow down and listen.

none of these things alone will make you a better person…but they will get you on the path.  and definitely, none of these things alone will make your marriage better.  if your spouse is not doing the same…walking the same kind of path and living in the same honesty…your marriage is probably not going to get better.

people like to say that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition.  that’s not the marriage that i see flowing from the heart of god.  his is more like a hundred-hundred proposition.

i give absolutely the best of everything i can to the relationship.  you give absolutely the best of everything you can to the relationship.

that’s the kind of marriage that is honorable to god.


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