Marriage Tuesday

marriage 2I began blogging back in 2005.  In those days, keeping an online journal (or weblog, as it was originally called), was a pretty novel idea.  It was before the explosion of social media.  Remember MySpace?  Xanga?  Man, have things changed!

These days, I subscribe to about 125 different blogs of all kinds…theology, social issues, leadership, apologetics, sports, news and politics, church life, counseling…you name it.  I read nearly every day and one thing is pretty obvious: coming up with something new, original, and fresh every time I write is tough business.  The world wide web is definitely saturated.

I wrote my first “Marriage Tuesday” on August 25, 2009.  Since then, I have written 185 different posts on marriage…easily one of my top two writing topics (the other is writing about the life of a pastor).  Even my own blog is saturated.

My guess is in the seven years I’ve been writing about marriage, I’m pretty sure you’ve either missed or forgotten most of them.  So starting next week, I’m going to pick out some of the ones I like the most, and begin re-posting them on Tuesdays.  I hope you read them.

Since I got married over 40 years ago, marriage, at least as I’ve experienced it, has taken quite a few shots.  Divorce, as painful and understandable as it might be, has ravaged the institution.  When over half of all marriages across the board, end in divorce, we can easily conclude the structure stands on shaky ground, at best.

Forty years ago, I would have never dreamed that same-sex marriages would be constitutionally legitimized.  I suspect some sort of legalized polygamy will follow suit before my lifetime is over.   Extra-marital affairs are glamorized in the media and seen as normal behavior, though sometimes with negative consequences.

Four out of five couples I marry these days are already living together.  Many of them claim to be people of faith, or even active church goers.  Sex-before-marriage statistics, especially among teenagers, is mind-boggling.

The heavy-handed patriarchal movement and radical feminine empowerment have challenged the way we view traditional marriage roles.  Sometimes for good.  Sometimes for bad.  Battle lines have been drawn in the church…some lobbying for a return to traditional Bible values and behaviors (as they understand them), while others opt for a more culture-centric interpretation of the male/female and marriage texts in the Bible (as they understand them).

I could go on, but I’m afraid I would just add to the confusion, rather than help clear it up.

So I will continue to write about marriage from the only point of view I know:  One dude married to his wife for life.  I have no experience living with Wanda before we got married, so I’m no help there.  We’ve only experienced sex with each other, so I can’t write about the experience of multiple sex partners.  The same goes for the whole same-sex thing.  I’ve got nothing to offer, first hand, on divorce.  It’s simply never been an issue.  I can only give what I’ve gleaned from others.

I would lie if I told you I wasn’t sad.  There was a consistency and wholesomeness about marriage, that was a part of my childhood, that has changed over time.  “As long as we both shall live” has been twisted.  If not in words, it is most certainly in heart:  “As long as we both shall love”.

The simplicity and finality of one man and one woman, forever is now a minority perspective.  But it is the only perspective I know first hand.  And it is the only perspective I can speak to with any integrity.

So that is what you’ll continue to get.


9 thoughts on “Marriage Tuesday

  1. This is your finest Marriage Tuesday post.
    I am interested to see what “outsiders” have to say about your post, and how your words could be taken out of context. Because the social world doesn’t know you in everyday life.

    I am not sure if it means the same, but I will never experience what it’s like to grow up in a traditional 1 mom and 1 dad family. I have had 4 parents, since the age of 2.

    So I have all the built-in excuses at my disposal, to make my marriage to 1 woman, not work.

    But I bust my ass everyday to make sure my side of the yoke is pushing.
    Yeah my wife and I kinda like bondage.

    That’s what I said I would do in my vows.

    1. Brandon, your determination to build a great marriage to Raeshel is always encouraging to me. I’m curious though. You really talked about bondage in your wedding vows? TMI…

  2. Marriage Tuesday’s has always been my favorite part of your blog. As I went through my divorce some of them were very hard to read but they were always therapeutic. The failure of being one of many of the statistics you mentioned is not an easy thing to read about. Through your writing and much more importantly through your investment in my life and my faith… I’ve grown! ALOT!!!! I will forever be grateful for your choice to write words that are sometimes difficult to read and your willingness to walk through those words with anyone that is willing to sit with you over a Whataburger.

    1. Sometimes writing about marriage in the middle of your personal life crisis was incredibly hard. I knew that some of my words were cutting you to the heart. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6 That’s why we call ourselves friends.

  3. It’s hard for my simple brain (and irrational heart) to take much of a stance on anything, even marriage. The moment I draw a line in the sand, I generally search for an example to refute my opinion; never been very confident about much. But I guess marriage might be the thing I feel MOST confident about, even when I get it wrong. I grew up in a home where my parents loved each other honestly, sacrificially, and authentically (still do). My father, while possibly a bit over-the-top, constantly and consistently drilled respect for females on all levels – emotionally, physically, spiritually. He verbalized his belief in mutual respect and equality while more importantly modeling such behavior in the way he treated my Mom; if anything their bond grows stronger everyday. Dara and I had 7 years of kidless marriage to figure each other out, which of course takes a lifetime, but none the less I will always be grateful for those years.

    1. The modeling of love and mutual respect for women you experienced from your father is something very few young men ever get. It speaks volumes about the kind of guy you are and the kind of marriage you have. Keep passing it on.

  4. You and Wanda have continued to be an example for Mike and I in life and marriage and in being a pastor and having a pastor’s family…we love you both and thank you for living your life to honor Jesus. 🙂

    1. Brenda Woolley…there’s an opening for Vice President in my fan club. It’s time for you to move back to Texas. You can still be President of Mike’s Club, too…

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