Marriage Tuesday…back to the real world

home.

• “home sweet home”
• “home is where the heart is”
• “the lights are on but nobody’s home”
• “there’s no place like home”
• “a man’s home is his castle”
• “you can never go home again”
• “a house is not a home”
• “i’ll be home for christmas”
• “sweet home alabama”

wanda and i are both from california.   we were born there…went to school there…got married there…bought our first (and second) houses there…had both of our children there.

there is nothing better than southern california beach weather.   the sun,  the breeze,  the salt air.   it’s not perfect,  but it’s close.   the mountains are always just a couple of hours away…the smell of pine trees at 6500 feet is exhilarating.

we are die hard, bad-to-the-bone charger,  padre,  and aztec fans.   fanatical loyalty runs thick in our veins.

after 40 years of living in california,  my taste buds will always scream for the chile flavors of the northern baja.   they are different from everywhere else in the world…and will always be the best to me.   the “red” sauce on rolled tacos with guacamole is a taste permanently etched in my inner eating psyche.

california is where we learned to do ministry as life.   doing youth ministry in the wilderness of the high sierras still leaves me speechless sometimes.

we have amazing friends in california.   some of the best people on earth.   we share memories that can never be duplicated.   i would never want to try.

but southern california is not my home.   lewisville texas is.   and i’m so excited about getting back i can hardly contain.   socal is where i’m from, but texas is my home. i realize that may sound odd after i’ve extolled the greatness of our personal motherland,  but that’s ok.   i live in the dichotomy just fine.   you can too.

we had people ask us,  “do you really like living in texas?” or “are you really going to stay there?”. uh…yeah.

i’m not going to sing the praises of our texas life right now.   maybe tomorrow.   let’s just say that i not only like texas,  but i love it!   the landscape,  the history,  the weather (yeah,  the weather),  our friends,  the church we do life with,  our kids,  the culture,  the food,  the sports,  the unique expression of the grace of god we see in our neck of the woods…all of it.   and it’s our home.

so here’s the message for couples today:   stop living in the past.   stop trying to recapture the way things used to be in your relationship…in your lives.   those things were there for a season.   they made you who you are today.   the good,  the bad,  and the ugly.

live in the “now”.

embrace who you are in this moment.   both of you.   your health may be struggling.   your finances may suck.   you may not be in a place you want to be.   but you have each other…and that,  coupled with the mercy of god…is more than enough.

discontent is the destroyer of marriage.   secretly longing for the memories of the old days…or exerting precious emotional energy focused on the future…robs us of the joy of the moment.   and when we fail to live in the moment,  with all that it brings,  we will never be home.