i can talk all i want about the need for community or the value of community, but if you don’t want it…or you don’t know how to enter into it…it’s not going to happen.
in the church, we talk about the need for good shepherding. we plan and strategize and structure for how to follow up on people…for how to develop ways of looking out for the needs of people and drawing them into relationships where they can be engaged and cared for.
well, here are a few thoughts about shepherding:
there are a lot of people who don’t want to be shepherded. they don’t want to be drawn into relationships. or they don’t see the need…or joy…of living life close to other people. or they are comfortable with being alone…or aloof.
there are others who don’t possess the skill set to function comfortably with other people. or they carry so much baggage, they make friendship difficult. or they wear so many masks, you never really know who you’re dealing with.
there are some others who would like to part of the group, any group. these folks even attempt, on some level, to be noticed and drawn into conversation. but for some reason…maybe many reasons…the connection doesn’t happen. the attempt to reach out goes unnoticed…or even outright rejected…and future efforts to connect are shelved.
there are still others who seem to dare you to be friendly. their walls are tall and thick. past relationships…especially in the church…have left them cold, angry, or skeptical. it seems like they have lost the felt need for friendship or any kind of personal life accountability. or simply never had it in the first place.
for most, it is much easier to stay in small, safe pockets. sometimes that includes a few like-minded, similar-personality acquaintances. sometimes, especially in the lobby of a church building, it can look like the uncomfortable set of cliques we all endured in the school cafeteria years ago…with all the loners sitting by themselves longing to be invited in.
do you ever remember wanting to fit in? do you remember where, in the social pecking order, you fell? were you part of a larger group that accepted you in? were you part of a small group of misfits…comfortable with your limited measure of social status? did you muddle through your adolescence with your one BFF? or did you learn to plaster yourself against the wall in lonely anonymity?
the real questions are these: have you outgrown those boxes and grown up? have you learned to include others into your life? have you learned to reach out and let others into your world?
either way, it’s time for some change…don’t you think?
I was just thinking... 
It’s kind of funny (not really) but I’m a first impression guy. If I meet you and I don’t like you I will build a nice big ol’ brick wall and lock you out.
Pretty stupid that I think my life and my friendship is so important that its worthy of keeping from others. Really?????
Who the hell are we to think we are so important that we should have try-outs for our friendships. Then its normally not even real friendships. I don’t want to know all your problems. I don’t want to actually have to get involved and get dirty with you. I’m just looking for someone to shake hands with on Sunday and put in my Church Friend folder in my email/phone. You know the folder we send the Jesus stuff to but not the “other stuff”?
It is sad to look in the spiritual mirror most days. I’m so glad that by the grace of God I have Jesus and His sacrifice looking back at me.
in order to build relationships, the environment needs to be conducive – like a petri dish and bacteria. bacteria needs a healthy environment to grow and so do relationships. it’s a difficult challenge to build a healthy church environment where people are accepted for who they are and welcomed to share their lives. do we have room or make room for others in our lives? are we willing to invite people in to see our “mess” or do we feel compelled to “clean up” before we invite people into our lives? IMO, the church should be a sanctuary for all of us…a safe place to allow ourselves to be open and honest. it’s another way christ calls us to live out “kingdom” culture and not “world” culture.